Legacy Chain

Daybreaker218

Daybreaker218 #1 · May 1st · · ·

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Oooh, very nice. MLP lovecraft is an interesting plot

Charlie_K

Charlie_K #2 · May 1st · 1 · ·

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Damn that's creepy.

Daybreaker218

Daybreaker218 #3 · May 1st · 2 · ·

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Honestly, wouldn’t mind if this got expanded

Moosetasm

Moosetasm #4 · May 13th · · ·

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Parasitic immortality is a pretty damn creepy thing.

SigmasonicX

SigmasonicX #5 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

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This was really nice! Just a lot of cool concepts tied together with plain old fear of aging. The portrayals of the founders here was interesting, and Dash's scene was a good way to use her.

darkcyan

darkcyan #6 · 1 week ago · · ·

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Well! When I wondered during my initial comments on your original draft about "what happened next", I definitely didn't expect the part with Soarin unpeeling into a serrated mouth, lol -- it definitely adds a lot of weight to that last flashback conversation between Hurricane and Pansy! (And how very appropriate it would be if, in swearing to prevent the thing's vengeance, they have instead become its vehicle.)

I enjoyed following the interplay between Hurricane/Soarin and Pansy/Spitfire throughout the story, and I think Pansy's arc is particularly compelling -- from the most reluctant out of all of them, to being the one who is telling Hurricane that no, he doesn't get to chicken out and ruin their hard work, not now, not after everything. I also liked how earlier in the story, I wondered if maybe he would decide enough was enough, but by the end it was very clear from how you characterized him that, yeah, Hurricane was always going to make the choice he made; everything else was just trying to assuage his qualms by feeling bad about it.

Good stuff, and I'm glad to see the expanded version now out in the world! :D

Octoskan

Octoskan #7 · Last Tuesday · · ·

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Would happily read more of this.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #8 · Last Friday · · ·

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“Well, you won’t have to since it swore vengeance on the pony race hundreds of years in the future from now.” Clover noted.

aww that’s convenient! hate to be those guys, tho

“Yeah! We’ll just make everyone super duper happy with constant parties and sweets and—” Puddinghead went off on a list of random items.
“B-but how will we know that they’ll be prepared?!” Pansy exclaimed.
“We can always just be there ourselves,” Clover said.

hehe love how identifably Mane Six these characters are

“I have a spell in mind.”

ooh, wonder what that will be!

He’d been made the youngest Captain in the history of the team, achieving the rank through technical perfection and physical prowess. His arrogance was backed by numerous accolades and told the story of somepony at the top of their game.

dang sounds like a cool guy

On his next body.

well that is escalating quickly!

Back in his day, and he hated to say those words, it was rare that a single injury form would cross the administration desk. Now, it was happening almost daily ever since Rainbow Dash had been made Captain after Spitfire’s ‘retirement’.

well that about tracks

Where Soarin had kept Spitfire in check as her co-captain, Thunderlane was little more than a yes stud.

hehe “yes stud” love it

“W-Well, I got the cake and champagne, shall we celebrate our first ever supplanting?” Puddinghead said.

oof the combination of fun celebration and what it is celebrating is disquieting!

Bubble returned with a thick slice of pie. She took a seat opposite him and smiled, waiting for him to speak first. He really shouldn’t eat the pie (especially after the last visit with his doctor), but he wanted to avoid the conversation for longer. Plus, Soarin’s, his, cravings were absurd.
The pie lasted a minute. The guilt would last him to the end of the week.

aww Soarin’’s pie obsession is supposed to be fun, not a reminder that the only things left of the original Soarin’ are traces of his biological cravings!

“Just what, Commander?” Bubble leaned in close, her words laced with venom. “Funny that I should be named Pansy when it's clear how much of a wuss you are.”

oh dang that is certainly a change in personality from the Pansy we once knew! i am guessing generations of doing this has really warped these original ponies’ personalities

She slapped him across the face. “Wake up, Hurricane. If you won’t do this for the greater good, then I’ll remind you of why you took this opportunity. You hate old age. You hate getting weaker. You’re afraid of death. Use this to get access to Rumble and take his body. And if you don’t—
“I’ll make sure you regret it.”

oof! and augh love the theme of characters who justify using any means necessary to destroy an evil for the greater good end up being twisted by it and becoming a worse evil

“Gone. The prior consciousness disappears and our old body dissolves over time. No trace so long as you set things up properly before the supplant,” Clover explained.

and that confirms it oof. rip original Soarin’ and Spitfire and all the hundreds of other ponies over the centuries

“I think that’s a good thing. Changing things up. Getting a different feel from team to team. Let the new overtake the old.”

aww love it when characters inadvertently twist the knife when commenting on something else it is always so good

“Well, what else can I do?! We’re changing. We look more like… that thing. The others aren’t acknowledging it and Clover hasn’t said that anything is wrong, so I have to presume it's fine.”

ooh!

He’d pulled the plug on this life. Quit the Bolts, said he was traveling, and sold everything off. Dash had even congratulated him on the way out and said she was happy for him. All the preparations had been made, but still Soarin… no, Hurricane hesitated.

dang so Spitfire got dissolved and everypony just assumed she’s super retired?

The chain continued.

and augh dang, great touch to give the horrifying description of supplanting right at the end after hinting how monstrous it would be over the course of the story. really makes it hit home just what the original Hearthswarmers have become.

i had no idea what to expect going into this story overall and augh it is such a cool idea i love it! really makes me want to use it in a story myself. it really is an excellent example of one of my favorite themes. thank you for writing!

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