Tell me more about this LeBron James fella

I told you things would get weird around here, especially with the Phoenix Suns being bounced out of the First Round of the 2024 playoffs. We have nothing but time to kill between now, the NBA Draft, free agency, and next season. Our minds will soon begin to play tricks on us, convincing us that certain transactions and/or specific additions will solve the issue that is Suns basketball.

Fear and loathing in El Valle.

The season hasn't been over for a week and it’s beginning to happen to me. I’m trying to peacefully relax, sit back, and enjoy watching other NBA teams fight it out in the playoffs for a chance to win a title. But I can’t. I become embittered, I stand up, I walk out, and I aimlessly throw the ball with the dog and mutter to myself.

I dream up scenarios that could enhance the Suns’ chances of being in the mix at the end of next season. It doesn’t take much to spark an idea and justify it. Desperation breeds ingenuity. Or really dumb trade ideas. Tomato, tomato.

I’m coming out of the gates swinging this offseason. I’m digging into the batter’s box, adjusting my batting gloves in a Nomar-esque fashion, and I’m swinging so hard that I’m corkscrewing myself into the ground. I’m probably striking out with this one, but I don’t care.

I’m proposing that the Suns pursue...LeBron James.

Even typing his name feels odd. This isn’t the free agency sweepstakes of 2014. It’s a decade later. But hell, why not?

LeBron James is in a similar situation with the Los Angeles Lakers, that being that his season is over (or as the Nomar faithful would say, “o-vah”). He played his final game of the year in a Game 5 loss against the Denver Nuggets. The 39-year-old James went for 30 points, 11 assists, and 9 rebounds in the game.

In typical LeDrama Queen fashion, he had to leave a cliffhanger at his final presser. Last season, while the Nuggets were celebrating their first berth in the NBA Finals, LeBron was antagonizing the media with his “I got to think about it” comments when asked about walking away from basketball.

This season, it was much of the same.

When asked if Monday night’s game was potentially his last with the Lakers, James simply said, “I’m not going to answer that.” He then LeMic Dropped and walked out with a sly smile on his face.

He knew what he was doing. He always does. Creating a narrative, stirring the pot, and giving people like me something to talk about while in a post-postseason depressed state of mind.

I know I just loaded your gun with ammunition as to why LeBron shouldn’t come to the Valley of the Sun. We have enough drama ‘round these here parts. We don’t need LeHans Gruber holding the team hostage in any form. We don’t need the cryptic press conferences and the childish tantrums on the court.

Oh, and he’ll turn 40 next season. Although he is clearly built differently, things happen at 40. It’s biological. Father Time is undefeated. How “Suns” would it be to acquire LeHyperbaric Chamber just to see him fall apart physically in front of our eyes, Emmitt Smith-ing his way to the end of his career?

How much do you like listening to Reggie Miller on TNT broadcasts? Every time he called a Laker game this season he reminded viewers of LeAgeless Wonder’s tenure in the league as well as his age. I’ve never heard someone so excited to see someone make a free throw. “He made that and he’s 39 years old, Kevin!”. Yeah, we’d get that too.

See? I understand why LeNonsense makes no sense with the Suns. I get it. I’m still going to make reasons why we should. It’s more fun than the yardwork I should be doing right now.

Personally, I’ve never been the biggest LeBron guy. I respect him, his career, and (for the most part) the way he’s conducted himself on and off the court throughout his over-analyzed career. I believe that when it’s all said and done, he will have the greatest career of any basketball player. Ever.

But he ain’t the GOAT, mmmkay? That spot is reserved for Michael Jeffery Jordan.

That is another conversation altogether. We can debate it until the cows come home, and considering I don’t own any cows, it’ll take a long time for them to come home. Back to LeBron James and the Phoenix Suns.

Even at 40 years old, LeBron solves some of the issues with the Suns’ roster.

Point LeBron

The Suns were in dire need of a point guard. I don’t care what Mat Ishbia or James Jones say. You can tell me that the team didn’t, that, “You want the ball in those guys’ hands as much as possible (referencing the Big Three). If you have a point guard or someone else out there, the ball is in their hands’ less,” like Ishbia did.

I have eyes. I witnessed fourth-quarter debacles that were historically bad. I saw a team shot 28.7% from three-point range in the clutch, going 20-21 in such games. This team needed a point guard. They needed direction. They needed guidance. They needed basketball IQ.

Oh, hello LeHas an IQ! You can do those things? Do tell!

James, over the past five seasons, has averaged 8.0 assists per game (along with his 27.0 points). He is at the point in his career where he likes to take possessions off, and the easiest way to do this is to facilitate. With scorers around him, he can dish and quit. The Suns would not rely on him solely to generate offense.

Per B-Ball Index, he was 10th in the NBA this past season in potential assists, living behind all the primary playmakers in the league. When you consider non-guards, James is still one of the best in the league in playmaking talent.

On offense, he’d settle those around him, replacing Grayson Allen in the starting five, and would dissect opposing defenses while Devin Booker and Bradley Beal ran off back screens, use Jusuf Nurkic to set high screens and find Kevin Durant on the wings to do his thing.

It’d be like a video game scenario for James. He’d pick apart opposing defenses while simultaneously solving the Suns’ point guard issues.

Size Defensively

The Suns would struggle some on the defensive end, as they did this past season. Phoenix had a 108.8 defensive rating, which was 14th in the league. And that was with Grayson Allen as your primary point-of-attack defender. James would not join the Suns and fill that role. Phoenix may continue to struggle at the point of attack. Devin Booker and Bradley Beal would have to up their intensity on that end of the floor.

What LeBroad Shoulders could do, however, is provide size at the power forward position. This is an argument I made throughout the last offseason, back when we were debating who the fifth starter should be. My vote was for Keita Bates-Diop (awkward for me). Not due to talent, but due to size. Size at the four allows Kevin Durant to play the three with more regularity.

That is typically a less physical matchup night-to-night. Imagine KD as a help defender coming off of the three instead of the four. Imagine the stamina he could save if LeBron was behind him defensively. Imagine the help defense LeBron could provide as his stamina would be replenished as he didn’t have to carry the offense.

Durant has his worst season relative to defensive rating this past year at 113.3. Per Basketball Reference, he spent 85% of his possessions as the power forward. Move him to the three. Good things will happen.

Leadership?

I may not be a fan of LePout’s leadership style. He’s one of those “we won because of me” guys who is also a “we lost because of everyone else” type of players. Those around him play on edge, partially because they are playing with greatness and partially because they don’t want to screw up and have a head-banded artificial hairline in their face as they are publically verbally whiplashed.

This Suns team would be less likely to succumb to that style of leadership. But you know what? It also might be exactly what they need. The 2023-24 Suns had no spark, no energy, no emotion. Perhaps a nutty tantrum will give them some life?

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LeSpace Jam 2 Sucked has a player option this next season with the Lakers for $51.4 million. That is a massive chunk of change to turn down. He is willing to do so, however, and that is what has opened up this entire scenario. Why would he turn down that much dough? He is holding the NBA ransom. He wants to play with his son.

Does that mean taking a minimum contract somewhere so he can do so? It is possible.

Bronny James, who played one year at the University of Southern California, is entering the 2024 NBA Draft. The 6’4” Bronny averaged 4.8 points on 36.6% shooting, including 26.7% from three. Not great. He started only 6 of his 25 games with the Trojans and his highest scoring output was 15 points against Oregon State.

Bronny doesn’t even make Kevin O’Connor’s NBA Draft Guide list of 62 players. Or in ESPN’s Top 100. He’s not currently going in any mock drafts. With LBJ’s ability to manipulate the media, however, that is sure to change.

Due to his name and the possibility of his father wanting to play with him, the odds are that he will be drafted. Per DraftKings:

• Los Angeles Lakers: +190
• Philadelphia 76ers: +1000
• New York Knicks: +1000
• Oklahoma City Thunder: +1000
• Cleveland Cavaliers: +1000
• Los Angeles Clippers: +1500
• Atlanta Hawks: +1600
• Miami Heat: +1600

The Suns aren’t even on the list?! C’mon, I made a graphic and everything just for the occasion. Oh well. This fortifies what I do ultimately believe: LeIsn’t Happening will not be a member of the Phoenix Suns next season. Despite the reasons given, I don’t think it’ll happen, nor should it.

It does make for a fun offseason topic though, doesn’t it?