Morning. Simon will be here from about 10.45, or whenever he decides to breeze into the office.
It's looking pretty grey at Edgbaston. The covers are currently on, Nasser Hussain's ridiculously oversized umbrella is up, so we could be in for a delayed start.
In the meantime, here's Mike Selvey's report on yesterday's proceedings.
And if you want to do it the modern way, here are the video highlights too.
10.45am: Hello! I've just breezed into the office. It's still looking pretty grey in Birmingham, but Sky are currently showing me an advert rather than giving me a weather forecast. Is anyone actually there?
10.49am: David Gower is "anticipating play at some point today, hopefully lots of it". Covers are on and umbrellas are up, though not everywhere.
10.54am: If you're stuck for something to do, you might want to watch yesterday's highlights. They're right here. (If you can't do links, they're here: http://bit.ly/83sI9)
11.03am: "Any explanation for the pink ties in the Sky studio?" asks Jenny Hemming. For non-Sky viewers among us, David Gower has a bright pink shiny tie and Michael Atherton's next to him is slightly more fuchsia in shade. "Apart from anything else," huffs Jenny, "they clash." David Lloyd's is navy.
11.06am: Potential action alert! The covers are coming off, slowly. Nasser Hussain is sounding optimistic.
11.19am: The rollers have been on for a while, so action is imminent unless the rain starts again. We're being treated to highlights from yesterday. While on the subject of the kind-of-matching pink ties in Sky's studio, I also noticed that Ian Botham and Shane Warne were in identical suits earlier. Is it "dress as your best friend" day?
11.31am: Players are emerging. Cricket coming right up. "Am following the Test by mobile on the Hanko peninsula, Finland, but a big thunderstorm is heading this way," writes Sara Torvalds. "Hope the weather clears in both countries." Well, looks like we're on our way...
35th over: England 114-2 (Trott 32, Pietersen 36) Mohammad Amir completes the over he started last night, without great excitement but with some evidence of movement. "The series would be a lot closer if Pakistan would just catch the ball," expert-analyses Nasser Hussain. "So far they've been ordinary and poor," laments Shane Warne. "They need to catch." Right lads, you got that? Best start catching the ball sometimes, eh?
36th over: England 114-2 (Trott 32, Pietersen 36) Mohammad Asif charges in, Kevin Pietersen charges out ... and then leaves the ball. Many times. The fifth ball is the exception, an absolute snorter, moving away from the batsman at the last moment and just missing the edge though a nick of bat on pad got the fielders excited. "I'm quick to criticise umpires and players going off for "bad light", so I'd like to congratulate them for getting it on in very marginal conditions," applauds Gary Naylor.
37th over: England 115-2 (Trott 33, Pietersen 36) Another appeal against Pietersen, this time for lbw, is brief and unsuccessful – the ball this time did find the edge, on its way to the pad, though it then looped into the hands of Amin at second slip and, bizarrely, out again. "What are Pakistan doing," fumes Warne. "That ... that's Under-12s cricket."
38th over: England 120-2 (Trott 33, Pietersen 41) An all-action over. Pietersen gets the day's first boundary, eased between point and cover. The next ball, Pakistan waste an appeal on a ball which hit Pietersen's pad well outside the line and was going nowhere near the stumps anyway. Then Pakistan spend a while talking about a ball change, before Pietersen backs away from the ball but still decides to hit it, and loops it up to mid-off, who does catch it this time. A dead ball is given. "I'm still shattered Nas about that drop," warbles Warne. "I'm gone."
39th over: England 124-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 41) Nobody knows if you can claim a dead ball, hit the ball anyway, get caught and get away with it. The entire over is spent debating the issue, with no resolution. "Perhaps the truly disturbing reason that Botham and Warne appeared as sartorial mirrors of each other was that it was dress your best friend day," suggests Ian Copestake.
40th over: England 125-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 42) Pietersen is still living dangerously, and Pakistan gamely discovering new ways to fail to get him out. This time the ball loops off his pad and falls just short of the fielder. They thought he'd got an edge, but he hadn't and it was plumb lbw. No one thinks of appealing for it, or referring the decision. "For dignity's sake Pietersen should walk next time he's dropped," suggests Ben Timpson. "There must be a law about this somewhere."
40.4 overs: England 125-2 (Trott 37, Pietersen 42) It's raining again, and they're off.
12.16pm: Pietersen, presumably, is using this interval to furiously rub a rabbit's foot, or whatever he's been doing to generate his good luck. Consensus over the dead ball delivery is that he was technically out but it wouldn't have been very nice to enforce it. But nobody can explain why Pietersen thought it might be a good idea to loop the ball gently to mid off rather than leaving it to float through to the keeper. They'll be debating it for a while, with the covers emphatically on and the umbrellas emphatically up.
12.23pm: Gary Naylor has helpfully sent me the wording to Law 23: "'(vi) the striker is distracted by any noise or movement or in any other way while he is preparing to receive or receiving a delivery. This shall apply whether the source of the distraction is within the game or outside it.' Seems the distraction alone is sufficient to trigger the dead ball and that such distraction is a matter for the batsman rather than the umpire. Helluva law." Obviously, it also doesn't say the batsman is required to leave the ball.
12.27pm: Nasser Hussain fumes about Pakistan's performance. "Every decision, at every level, was wrong," he says. "That was rubbish." And with that, David Gower declares that "we're assuming it's lunch".
12.32pm: I'll be signing off now. Andy Bull will be popping in with updates the moment anything happens, or threatens to happen.
Hi everyone, Andy here. The good news is that play is going to start in the next ten minutes or so. The bad news is that Pakistan have descended to such diabolically awful levels of play that, as a contest, this game is over. They've dropped, what, seven catches in this match now? "It hurts to watch" says Shane Warne. It is hard to disagree.
Here come the players, somewhat gallingly from my point of view we still have 86 overs left in the day. I could be here a long time yet.
42nd over: England 131-2 (Pietersen 46 Trott 39) So, Amir finishes off his over, delivering the two left-over balls, one of which shot away for four off the outside edge, and the Asif resumes at the other end. Mr A McGuigan has been busy at his easel again, and has kindly provided us with his take own idiosyncratic take on the Mohammad Yousuf selection farrago. I'm afraid I had to crop off the feet to fit it in. Trott plays and misses at a vicious away-swinger, but connects with the next and steers it away past point for two.
43rd over: England 138-2 (Pietersen 51 Trott 40) The lead is 60 now, in the circumstances that's already enough to win the match. From now on it's England against the weather. They may just be the best shot Pietersen has played yet; an immaculate clip through mid-wicket for four, whipping the ball away from off-stump in his trademark style. He has been dropped three times now - I think, I've almost lost count - caught off a dubious dead ball, sliced another catch through the vacant slips, and survived two perilously close LBW appeals.
44th over: England 144-2 (Pietersen 51 Trott 44) Trott threads a drive away through the on-side, past a truly inept dive from the fielder at mid-wicket. Four more to him, and when Trott edges a single down the leg side from the next ball it means these two have now put on 100 together.
45th over: England 146-2 (Pietersen 52 Trott 45) Thin picking in the inbox. So far it's a choice between Sara Torvalds, who is providing weather updates from southern Finland ("it has cleared" apparently) and, delightfully, a new resident nutter calling himself Keekus. His last contribution was this: "Trott gets an inside edge to fine leg, 100 partnership is up between these two .. Very convincing!" No. Me neither. Brilliantly, the camera then cuts to a close-up of the press box, picking out Selve himself, resplendent in a yellow baseball cap and a black Ramones t-shirt. He and the man sat alongside him, the immaculately tailored Stephen Brenkley from the Indy, make quite the sartorial odd couple.
46th over: England 146-2 (Pietersen 52 Trott 45) "Mr McGuigan's artwork is simply splendid," agrees Ross More, "Just one question: Is Robin Smith back in the England team or has McGuigan completely lost the plot?" Do you really need to ask? Do I really need to answer? The man insists that his first name is 'Anus' for goodness' sake. All the animals come out at night the weekend on the OBO. Saeed Ajmal is into the attack from the City End now, he has started with a maiden.
46th over: England 147-2 (Pietersen 53 Trott 46) Umar Gul comes into the attack, so it's a double change. Here's Robin Hazlehurst: "Someone asked yesterday when it is ok to feel sorry for Pakistan. How about when they learn to catch. Inexperienced batsmen struggling in difficult conditions against top bowlers could elicit sympathy, but dropping so many dollies deserves nothing but contempt. Weren't Bangladesh like this too, so that several times a match could have been a contest but dropped catches meant it wasn't. Surely even mediocre teams should be able to fix that sort of thing - even England managed to improve their fielding and with it their results." Yeah. They should get themselves a special rubber ramp and start testing the sweatiness of the players' palms. Both Goldenhair Gower and Sir Iron Bottom have nominated the drop by Umar Amin at gully off Pietersen this morning as the worst they have ever seen in cricket. Ever. Any one got another contender?
47th over: England 160-2 (Pietersen 65 Trott 47) "Baseball cap indeed" scoffs Selve, "That, i'll have you know, is a hat from the Royal Palm golf and country club, Lahore." Pietersen has now run off the field to go the toilet. I was distinctly unimpressed by that Pietersen dismissal off the dead ball. Pakistan would have been well within their rights to have a good long grumble about it. He had no business playing at the ball. Ah well. He has gone on to 60 now, playing a sweet last cut away for four past point. Next ball he is skipping down the pitch and crashing a drive through long-off for four. Seems he doesn't have all that much respect for Ajmal's off-spin.
48th over: England 165-2 (Pietersen 66 Trott 51) Pietersen has plundered 32 from the 21 balls Ajmal has bowled at him in this innings so far. "If any OBOer's have Sky boxes, they might want to freeze-frame a selection of Saeed Ajmal's deliveries" reckons Gary Naylor, "some are very interesting." Innuendo eh? He was reported for chucking by the Australians, who seem to have an instinctive dislike of the doosra, and was then cleared by the ICC in May 2009. He bowls within the allowed 15-degree angle, and that has been independently verified. Anyway, Gul is bowling now, and for the moment it is Trott's turn to take a little of the limelight. He has just punched a lovely straight drive down the ground for four to raise his fifty.
49th over: England 167-2 (Pietersen 67 Trott 52) There is Ajmal's doosra, landing Trott in all sorts of trouble. It's a lovely ball. "Can you let Mr Selvey know I loved him in Kojak," says A McGuigan, "Who loves you baby?"
50th over: England 169-2 (Pietersen 67 Trott 54) On the subject of bad drops, this is a great spot from Thomas Lawrence. Just two runs in this over from Gul, puched past point by Trott.
51st over: England 174-2 (Pietersen 71 Trott 54) Pietersen chops four runs away square, prompting Ajmal to switch to bowling over the wicket. "I'd suggest going through KP's history of dropped catches," says Staynton Brown, "They're nearly all absolutely terrible." Yes, there was one absolute shocker when at Lord's in 2005 wasn't there? When he shelled five catches on his debut.
52nd over: England 175-2 (Pietersen 72 Trott 54) Kojak is water off a duck's back to Selve, whon reveals that he has "also been called 'that bloke from StarTrek' by a Big Issue seller at Temple station, and more worryingly, Hamed Karzai."
53rd over: England 177-2 (Pietersen 72 Trott 54) Seems Observer Sports Monthly, which once upon a time was a brilliant magazine, has been to this dropped catches territory before, back in 2007. Their no1 was this one, from Mike Gatting: "The most comical moment of England's 3-0 series defeat to India in 1993 came in the second Test in Madras. After missing much of the second day's play with a stomach bug, Mike Gatting came on to field. An Ian Salisbury delivery lobbed up off Kiran More's glove towards him and umpire RS Rathore raised his finger. Only to take it down when the ball slipped from Gatting's grasp. 'I'd just climbed off my death bed and God knows why I was at short leg,' he told OSM. 'I still don't know how I dropped it. People laugh when I tell them the sun was in my eyes.' You can tell Gatting was not himself: he told us John Emburey was bowling."
WICKET! Trott 55 c sub (Hameed) b Amin (England 177-3) Well I'll be damned. Pakistan have held onto one. They had to bring on a sub fielder to do it. Umar Amin came into the attack, and Trott cut him hard to gully, where Hameed took a good catch, low down by the grass.
57th over: England 183-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 2) Sorry, I just missed an over there while I popped downstairs to get some lunch. Seems we missed another reprieve for Pietersen, who sliced a low edge past Haider and away for four off Ajmal. Butt stciks with Amin, and Collingwood warily plays out all six balls, patting them this way and that.
58th over: England 187-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 2) Ajmal is bowling quite beautifully now. He's been a lot more threatening since he switched to bowling around the wicket. He hurries Pietersen with a quicker ball, up to almost 70mph, and then betas him all ends up with a slower delivery (down at 50mph) that loops up and then slips through the gate, sliding off the pads just past the stumps and running away for four leg byes.
59th over: England 191-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 6) Collingwood cuts four past point. Excuse the economy of the description, I'm eating while I type. It is lashing down with rain now, and the umpires have decided to pop off the pitch. Wow. This rain is ferocious. Out come the covers.
Rain stops play
TMS tells me that the super-soppers have come out and are now mopping up the water on the outfield, so play should resume soon enough.
Sky Sports are running a short documentary about the 1987 England v Pakistan series, when Javed Miandad scored 260 in the fifth Test at the Oval. More than enough reason, I feel to link to this video here.
I am reliably informed that, much as what TMS might be telling us the weather at Edgbaston is about to get biblical. And not in a good way.
"An update 'from the move along now, nothing to see here' department" comes courtesy of Mark Francombe, "apparently Pietersen heard the umpire call dead ball before the ball was bowled and was simply trying to expedite things by tapping the ball to fielder." Really? Is that official? Beacuse if it is, it's one of the most preposterous explanations I've heard.
The best thing about Miandad's match at the Oval in '87 may just have been Botham's knock in the second innings. Pakistan had scored 708 in the first innings (Miandad 260, Malik 102, Imran 118), and then bowled England out for 232 (Qadir 7-96). By the close of the fourth day England were 95-3 in the follow-on and still 380 runs behind. Botham went out and blocked the hell out of it for five hours, curbing every single one of his attacking instincts, to make 51 from 209 balls. One of the great playing against type innings in cricket, along with Boycott's 146 in the 1965 Gillette Cup Final.
The covers are still on, and Sky have now resorted to showing us highlights of some obscure Test on this ground between England and Australia from 2005.
At 3.45pm it seems the covers are coming off and the groundstaff are running a rope around the outfield to skim off the excess water.
Thanks for the notice Sky, play is about to start again. Right now.
59th over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Amin resumes his unfinished over, and Collingwood crashes his first ball back for four through extra cover.
60th over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Butt just carries on where he left off then, bringing Ajmal back on at the other end. He's still bowling from around the wicket. Umar Gul, it seems, is off the field injured. He has tweaked a hamstring. Pakistan's match, it seems, is only going to get worse.
61st over: England 196-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 11) Seems Amin is going to stay in the attack, which is pretty disappointing. Pietersen pats away the few balls in the over that he has to play.
62nd over: England 202-3 (Pietersen 78 Collingwood 13) The 200 comes up after Ajmal spins a ball past batsman, stumps and 'keeper. It runs away for four byes.
63rd over: England 204-3 (Pietersen 80 Collingwood 14) Amin..... zzzzzzzzz.
WICKET! Pietersen c&b Ajmal (64th over: England 206-4) If you want something done properly, do it yourself. Pietersen offers up another catch and this time the bowler takes it himself. It was the doosra, going straight on from around the wicket, and Pietersen failed to pick it. He was looking to work it to leg, but ended up chipping back a tame return catch. Morgan is in, and immediately tries to play a paddle sweep to leg which he gets horribly wrong.He hits the ball with the toe end of the bat. Ajmal then fires down a quicker ball, pushing Morgan back blocking in his crease.
65th over: England 215-4 (Collingwood 20 Morgan 4) And still Butt persists with Amin. Surely not for much longer after this over though. Morgan taps three runs one way, Collingwood cuts four the other and then pushes two more out to deep cover.
66th over: England 220-4 (Collingwood 20 Morgan 5) Morgan sweeps a single away fine. The Edgbaston crowd sound bored witless, indulging in a rowdy round of Mexican waves accompanied by unceasing booze-inspired cries of "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy" punctuated only by brief bursts of "everywhere we go... people wanna know... blah blah blah". Thoroughly tedious behaviour.
WICKET! Morgan 5 c Haider b Asif (67th over: England 220-5) Here, at last, is Asif, and what a change he's made. Morgan goes, caught behind off a beautiful ball. It was straight enough to make him play, and then moved enough to take the edge. Behind the stump's Haider's eyes lit up at the opportinity coming his way, and he clung on to the catch.
68th over: England 231-5 (Collingwood 22 Prior 10) Matt Prior is the new man in then, and Collingwood immediately gives him the strike with a single. He gets off the mark with a loose chop for four past the slips, then slices four more to the same area. He adds two runs from the final ball of the over, so he has raced on into double figures.
69th over: England 231-5 (Collingwood 22 Prior 10) "Did you see Sky showing Ajmal's bowling action," says Andy Bradshaw, who clearly hasn't been readin that closely, "that's preeeeeety close to 15degrees. I expect a certain G Naylors currently chuntering on about it, & to be honest, in this case I don't blame him." It's inside 15 degrees, Andy. The ICC cleared him in 2009. Collingwood plays out a maiden from Asif.
70th over: England 233-5 (Collingwood 23 Prior 11) Warney and Bumble are having a long discussion about naan breads. Bumbnle has discovered a new one - the bullet naan - laced through with green chillis and garlic. Can't say I've tried it. There's a brief pause while Ajmal appeals for an LBW against Prior, but that's soon dismissed and then it's back to the naan chat.
71st over: England 233-5 (Collingwood 23 Prior 11) Collingwood does his best to draw the sting out of Asif's spell, leaving everything wide of off stump well alone, and deadbatting anything that threatens his stumps.
72nd over: England 233-5 (Collingwood 24 Prior 12) A huge LBW appeal from Ajmal, who gets in a bit of a strop when Butt decides not to review it. Understandly so, because Hawk eye says the ball would have gone on to hit leg stump. At the same time, it would only have hit the outside of leg-stump, so the decision would have stayed with the on-field umpire's original verdict, such is the way of the UDRS.
73rd over: England 234-5 (Collingwood 23 Prior 12) Asif has bowled three maidens in a row now. That run of dot balls comes to an end with a single to cover from Prior. Enough of my ramblings, let's hand this over to H, from the NHS: "Wish I had something slightly exciting to say for you but being on hour 62 of my working week I am slightly delirious. i only discovered OBO because due to NHS controls (they do try and get value for the taxpayer!) this is the only access to cricket I can get at work but I am a serious convert now. Although I should probably remain anonymous or face disciplinary measures I would like to wish my other half's cricket team good luck in their cup final tomorrow which I will be scoring for - you know who you are - although actually thinking about it none of them will see this as they will have started playing by now. Thanks OBO for keeping me going but I think i have finally lost it."
REFERRAL! Prior 15 lbw Ajmal (74th over: England 243-5) Four more byes, and then Prior goes! Or does he? No, it's a review. After a very long chat in the middle of the pitch Prior decides to ask for a review. Much good it does him. The ball would have hit, and Prior has to go. So that's decision upheld. WICKET! Prior 15 lbw Ajmal (England 243-6) Prior had dropped to play a sweep shot, but misjudged it. Swann is in, and England lead by 171.
75th over: England 247-6 (Collingwood 28 Swann 0) The word is that Umar Gul has gone to hospital with a hamstring tear and is likely to miss the rest of the series. They have two reserve seamers in the squad, neither of whom has ever played a Test. One is Tanvir Ahmed. If he's selected he will surely be the first man born in Kuwait to play Test cricket (that's a guess, I might be wrong). The other man is Wahab Riaz, a left-armer from Lahore with the curious nickname of Vicky.
76th over: England 248-6 (Collingwood 28 Swann 1) That's another drop. Swann edged straight to slip, and the sub fielder Yasir Hameed spilled a low catch onto the turf. The main worry about Gul being out isn't so much what it will do to Pakistan's bowling so much as whether it will weaken their batting.
77th over: England 248-6 (Collingwood 28 Swann 1) And here is Mohammad Amir. Knowing Pakistan they'll probably scorn both Tanvir and Riaz and recall Shoaib. "Am I alone in feeling that England's abysmally slow run rate is actually giving Pakistan a slim chance of getting back into the game?" Yes Robin Lodge, yes you are. Very much alone. But we''l let you continue, as much out of curiosity as anything else. "The way we are going, we could be all out for 260 or so. Okay that's still quite a deficit to make up, but with better weather forecast tomorrow, maybe Pakistan could actually rally and make a decent score. And then perhaps hold some catches in England's second innings."
WICKET! Collingwood 28 c Farhat b Ajmal (England 248-7) Ajmal has got another one with his doosra. Don't say I didn't tell you folks. I love this ball so much. It's got to be one of the best in cricket at the moment. Collingwood walks off shaking his head, baffled as to how he missed. it. He was trying to work the ball to leg, but it held its line, took the edge and spat to slip. Once again, England's are collapsing after watching their middle order do all the hard work.
WICKET! Broad 0 c sub (Hameed) b Ajmal (England 248-8) And another one goes to the doosra! This time it's Broad, just as bemused by it as everyone else. England just can't pick this ball. More amazing still - that was a brilliant catch by Hameed at slip, crouching down to take the ball just before it hit the ground. That's a double wicket maiden for Ajmal, who now has 4-81.
79th over: England 249-8 (Swann 2 Anderson 0) England have lost five wickets for 43 runs in 14.3 overs. And that just shows that never mind the fact they were bowled out for 72, if they had only held onto the first chances they got off Trott and KP, this match would be alive right now. As it is, I still think they will struggle to make England to bat again, given that they are trailing by 177.
80th over: England 250-8 (Swann 3 Anderson 0) While Ajmal is still in his run-up Swann sets himself for a switch-hit, Given that he telegraphed the shot so transparently, it's no surprise when it all goes horribly wrong and he top-edges the ball into his chin. He pushes a single away from the next ball and leaves Anderson to try and fathom Ajmal's doosra from his off-break, a task which is patently beyond Jimmy's abilities.
81st over: England 251-8 (Swann 4 Anderson 0) Butt could take the new ball here, but I don't suppose he will. Amir fires down a pair of bouncers at Anderson, who seems to be enjoying the battle. He grins back at the bowler in appreciation. Amir fires in a yorker as the final bit of his three-card trick, but Anderson is ready for it and pats a run away square.
82nd over: England 251-8 (Swann 4 Anderson 0) That is some of the worst all-round cricket I've seen since this series started. Mutual inepititude. Swann sets himself for a switch-hit. He connects, and dollies the ball straight to mid-off, offering up as gentle a catch as you could hope for. The fielder, of course, drops it. It was Salman too, which will rather undermine his wrath at the team's poor fielding in the dressing room when the day is over.
WICKET! Anderson 0 lbw Amir (83rd over: England 251-9) There goes Anderson, for a rare duck. He had a long chat with Swann while he considered referring it, but in the end decided there was no point wasting everybody's time. It was a good ball, too good for Jimmy. It looks like England might be bowling again before the day is up. Finn is in now, and these two really have a licence to "have a heave here", as Athers puts it.
WICKET! Swann 4 c&b Ajmal (84th over: England 251) Swann has a heave-ho at Ajmal's first delivery but gets it all wrong and the ball loops it up into the air. Ajmal sprints after it screaming 'mine'. He holds the catch, and that is his first ever Test five-for. Well played sir. That one, like three of the others, was taken with a doosra.
So England have a lead of 179. It could have been so much more, given that they lost their last seven wickets for 46 runs. But then it could also have been so much less, given that Pakistan dropped ten - or so, I've lost count - catches. Eitherway, I'm sure it will be enough. Especially in these conditions. There are 80 minutes left to play tonight, though I doubt the light will allow us to go on that late, so this game could yet be over before lunch tomorrow.
The batsmen are already out on the field, ahead of the umpires, practicing their forward defensives. What odds that somebody, anybody in their top six will finally click and make a score? Long, I'd suggest. But I guess you never know. Really this game should still be alive, if not kicking. One hundred, one fifty, and that lead will soon disappear. Chance would be a fine thing.
1st over: Pakistan 0-0 (Farhat 0 Butt 0) Anderson, 15 wickets at a lick over six apiece in the series so far, hardly bothers warming up for his first over. Strauss sets two men in the slips and sticks four over on the leg side. And there we go - REFERRAL! Farhat 0 lbw Anderson his fourth ball swings back in past Farhat's bat and hits the pads just above the knee in front of leg stump. Strauss reviews it, but umpire Erasmus' original decision of not out is vindicated. The ball was going over the top. Decision upheld.
2nd over: Pakistan 0-0 (Farhat 0 Butt 0) Stuart Broad starts at the other end. He has seven wickets at 17 in the series so far. He gets the benefit of a short leg and a third slip. Poor old Salman, you'd guess, has an awful lot on his mind at the moment, in between the fact he has made 16 runs in the series so far, the fact his side dropped a hatful of catches and were bowled out for 72. Oh, and that his old rival Mohammad Yousuf is hanging around the dressing room. Never mind that he has got to bat in tough conditions against this rampant attack.
WICKET! Butt 0 c Strauss b Anderson (3rd over: Pakistan 1-1) Farhat is again within a whisker of bagging a pair, Prior leaping across to leg to claim a great catch down the leg side. He likes it, but no one else appeals - the ball flicked the thigh pad rather than the bat. The next ball is flicked to leg, so Farhat finally has a run. Bloody hell. That delivery was a monster, it swung in the air and then broke square off the pitch. And it has started! Butt goes. What a miserable series he is having. But there was nothing he could do about that. Brilliant, brilliant bowling from Anderson. That may just be the best ball he has bowled in this series. It moved almost as much as that monster I was describing a minute ago, only this time the line was right - it pitched on leg and moved savagely off the pitch, snicking off the edge as it went.
4th over: Pakistan 1-1 (Farhat 1 Ali 0) Another man on a pair comes to the crease then, Azhar Ali. Mercy me England are bowling well here. Broad is fizzing the ball through outside off, the nip off the pitch making the pace seem a lot sharper than the 85mph he is being clocked at. A maiden.
5th over: Pakistan 1-1 (Farhat 1 Ali 0) Another maiden, Azhar Ali staedfastly refusing to play a stroke at anything Anderson send his way.
6th over: Pakistan 4-1 (Farhat 4 Ali 0) Runs! Farhat pats a half volley away to mid-wicket for three.
7th over: Pakistan 5-1 (Farhat 4 Ali 0) Another jaffa from Anderson. He is just unplayable at the moment, that combination of swing in the air and seam off the pitch meaning that Farhat can't even begin to get his bat near the ball. He does though get a leg bye. Ali watches one bal go by, and is then lured into swinging at a wider delivery. He missed the ball altogether. The man can't buy a run at the minute. He'll probably pull his head back into his shell now.
8th over: Pakistan 8-1 (Farhat 5 Ali 0) Broad pitches up a yorker, and Farhat drops his bat on it just in time. It's lovely to hear Nasser talking with Warney about what it was like to play for Bumble as a coach. "We weren't very good, and he was a little bit eccentric," recalls Nasser, "and we loved playing for him." And that is a REFERRAL! Ali 0 c Prior b Broad The umpire's finger goes up for the catch behind. The ball slipped through the gate and carried through to Prior. It flicked something on the way, but the review shows it was pad not bat. The decision is over-turned and Ali has been spared a pair. Lucky man.
9th over: Pakistan 8-1 (Farhat 5 Ali 0) Grief. They can play on till 7.30! I could be here an hour yet. This shift is beginning to feel endless. Anderson has switched around the wicket now, and he is sstill doing so much with the ball that the batsmen can't get near it. So it's another maiden.
10th over: Pakistan 9-1 (Farhat 5 Ali 0) Somewhere across the office somebody has been doing a few quick calculations to work out how long the average individual Pakistani innings has lasted in this series so far. The answer is a shade below 20 minutes apiece. Ali gets takes a risky single, so he is finally off his pair. He has batted for an hour and eight minutes in this match before getting his first run.
11th over: Pakistan 9-1 (Farhat 5 Ali 0) Steve Finn is into the attack, Anderson taking a spell after delivering five overs, four maidens and taking one wicket for one run. I can't believe they ar going on till 7.30. I'm truly gutted. I'd hoped to have been in pub half and hour ago. "How's the light looking, Andy?" asks Phil Sawyer. "It's your only hope. I doubt even Naylor could begrudge you a decision on bad light today." Good, Phil. The light looks good. It's enough to make a man weep. Back in the day of course neither Smyth nor myself would have thought twice about two sessions back to back with a 7.30pm finish. In the Ashes 2006/'07 we were working solo midnight to 7am shifts, then subbing the copy that came in from Australia to go up on the web and going off to Old Street to a sound studio in the attic of an office block to record some of the least succesful podcasts in the glorious history of unsuccesful guardian podcasts. With Dave Farrar (where are you now Dave?) as host. Then back to the office for breakfast. Then bed. But we were younger then, and we hadn't discovered that there were such things as labour laws. I remember doing a three-way chat with Farrar on Jon Batty, who was on the phone, and catching myself saying that Australia "couldn't put all their chickens in one basket". That was a low. A career nadir in fact.
12th over: Pakistan 10-1 (Farhat 6 Ali 1) Maybe they'll bring back cricket podcasts for the next world cup. But somehow I doubt it. Those were high and heady times back in 2007, before the crunch hit. The guardian could get away with splurging all those millions just to cover the cost of getting Rob Curling, from BBC's Turnabout, in as host.
13th over: Pakistan 14-1 (Farhat 6 Ali 1) I saw Curling at Wimbledon this year, but ducked my head and looked away because I was afraid to say hello. The times we shared on the guardian world cup podcast were just so special that somehow I was embarrassed to see him again in the flesh. It felt awkward and wrong, seeing him away from the shoebox studio on the fifth floor at Farringdon Road where the magic happened. I'll never forget the edition we recorded after England were single-handedly routed by Andrew Hall against South Africa, when Curling began by reading out the entirety of If by Kipling. Magic that was, pure magic. Of the Paul Daniels kind.
14th over: Pakistan 18-1 (Farhat 10 Ali 5) Back at Edgbaston, Farhat has just hoicked four runs away through the leg side. These two have settled in well. "I really loved the podcasts" says Andy Bradshaw, who I have always worried about a bit, "more please." How much do you think we could reasonably justify spending just to satisfy Andy's podcast appetite? How much would it cost to get the old crew back together? What is Curling doing these days? We had all the talents. Farrar, Curling, and Ian Paine. Yes, I worked with Paine on the rugby world cup podcasts in 2007. Truly it was the golden age of crap podcasting. Back in the wild frontier days of the internet. Whassat? I'm snapped back out of my reverie by the sound of Ali's sweetspot connecting with a delivery from Broad and sending it away for four through mid-wicket.
15th over: Pakistan 18-1 (Farhat 10 Ali 5) "Professional help for rehabilitating exhausted OBOers is available Andy" says Gary Naylor. It's too late for me Gary, I'm done for. Tell that to Smyth instead. He is moving to Brighton because his doctor told him the sea air would be good for his wrecked consitution.
16th over: Pakistan 18-1 (Farhat 10 Ali 5) I wonder if I should have revealed that. Maybe now masses of bobble-hatted Smyth obsessives will descend on Brighton, clutching copies of the Spirit of Cricket and scouring the streets, ringing on all the doorbells until they find his house. It could push him over the edge. Anderson is back on now. Ali studiously avoids playing at any of a series of out-swingers.
17th over: Pakistan 19-1 (Farhat 11 Ali 5) Smyth is broken, Booth has taken the King's shilling, Bull is the last of the gang to die. If I can just make it through the next Test I might get out of this business alive yet. "Worry not about the Smyth revelation - some of his more obsessive fans know of his current whereabouts!" Gary Naylor, that may just be the most disturbing email you've sent me in these last four years. He's not in your basement is he? I don't have much, but what I do have I'll gladly pay to get him free. If only so we can give him a proper OBO send-off on a Relentless-soaked pyre of the leftover copies of Is It Cowardly To Pray For Rain?
18th over: Pakistan 19-1 (Farhat 11 Ali 5) Just the ten maidens in the 17 overs we have had so far. That's it! The umpires are leading everybody off the field. My vigil is over for the day.
Bad light stopped play with Pakistan needing another 161 runs to make England bat again and with just nine wickets in hand. That's stumps. I won't be here tomorrow. I've just been told that they have a nice comfy bed set aside for me in the special house for special guardian writers who just can't take it anymore. That'll be nice. So, cheerio folks. I'll see you on the other side. Thanks for the emails and company.