Here’s Jessica Alba in Cabo, ass up reading a book by the pool. There’s also this annoying old dude hovering around her. Hey, guy. Get out of the picture. You’re really ruining it for me right now. God, what a jerk.
It turns out David Blaine did have Kimbo Slice punch him in the stomach for his Dive of Death special on ABC. Astonishingly, David didn’t crumple to the ground into a fetal position and start sobbing. Aww, boo. What does this mean? Either David Blaine trained specifically for this or Kimbo Slice is over-hyped .
I will admit though, watching Kimbo punch David was satisfying. I only wish he “slipped” and hit him in the face and then continued doing it over and over again until he got tired… which would probably have been in 30 seconds. Video below.
The Daily Mail reports Jennifer Aniston is back in contact with John Mayer. The two broke up last month, a few weeks after Jennifer Aniston got lip surgery “to appear more attractive to Mayer.”
‘Jennifer reached out to John first. She had a few glasses of wine - then decided to throw caution to the wind and make the first move.
‘John was pleasantly surprised to hear from her. He says they’ve been in contact pretty much every day since and he’s really looking forward to seeing her again soon.’
Every single rumor out there about Jennifer Aniston makes her seem pretty pathetic. If she’s not whining and bitching about a guy, she’s groveling at the feet of another guy. Is this a move by her PR firm to build sympathy for the girl no one cares about? Or is it more that she really is so pathetic that if you so much as even glance at her, she’ll fall madly in love with you. When you leave for work, does she just sit in front of the door all day waiting for you to come home? Judging by all these testimonials, yes, probably, maybe. Look, I don’t know. Who cares about her boring ass anyway?
Ed McMahon has fallen on hard times. So, when FreeCreditReport.com offered him a job, Ed said “yes please, may I have another.” FCR said sure and gave him a second one. Now the 85-year-old Ed McMahon will star in two viral rap videos for the financial website. CNN says:
The videos feature McMahon wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around Los Angeles in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and waxing lyrical about his very public financial troubles.
“When I retired, I was famous,” McMahon raps in the video. “I had money and glory/I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn’t funny.”
After being joined by two scantily clad women, McMahon continues: “Got a bump from the media chumps, but that was temporary/Wife with bad credit was scary, so I got wise/I may have fallen, but I got back up/Now I’m back on the attack, like a ninja swinging nunchucks/I told the haters, ‘Go on, take a hike’/It’s my show now, and I can do what I like.”
This is embarrassing. To have lived an iconic life and now have to do advertisements only suitable for the K-Feds of the world. Pretty soon, expect Ed to make appearances on MTV’s Sweet Sixteen: The Middle Class Edition. He’ll be the surprise guest at some poor girl’s party, gyrating his geriatric hips as he serenades her. She’ll be squirming uncomfortably in her seat while her clueless parents will be gushing with uncontrollable excitement.
During an interview with MTV’s Josh Horowitz to promote Battle in Seattle and in between calling Josh an asshole and suggesting she’s into kinky sex, Charlize Theron ponders why The Hills is popular.
MTV: You have said that you are now up on “The Hills,” so I have a question: Do you think Lo is treating Audrina fairly?
Theron: [Long pause, laughs.] So I watched a couple episodes. I was doing a world tour at the time, so I watched them in a couple languages. I realized that this f—ing show is huge. Now I’m going to ask you a question: Why?
MTV: Why what?
Theron: Why is it so big? It’s about nothing! This is a free country. Freedom of speech! You can tell me right now to my face that “Reindeer Games” was a piece of sh–. That’s totally fine. But “The Hills” is about nothing. I think the girls are beautiful and when they cry their mascara runs and that’s real, but I don’t get it! [Pause.] I am a nana. I’ll just take it. I am a nana. Maybe I need to watch the shows some more.
Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Charlize Theron thinks you should all go fuck yourselves. That’s what she was trying to say, right? If it’s not, maybe Charlize would like to clarify. Over dinner perhaps? I’ll bring the condoms and laxatives.
Aubrey O’Day was at a Declare Yourself function yesterday and showed up dressed like this. This isn’t going to motivate any 18-year-old to vote. Guys are more likely to stay home whacking it to these pictures of Aubrey and girls will refuse to vote because Aubrey is a whore.
Can anyone tell me where Aubrey’s boobs are trying to escape to? My first thought was Mexico, but it looks like they’re going in different directions.
Now that she’s had some on camera experience as an MTV host, Vanessa Minnillo dreams to one day be a serious actress and win an Oscar. Bwahahaha.
“I want to be an actress with an Oscar and babies.” Vanessa — whose romance with Nick Lachey is still going strong — says she looks to Academy Award winner Julia Roberts for inspiration. “She’s phenomenal!” says Vanessa. “I would love to be just like her.”
You can already see the similarities between Julia and Vanessa. Julia’s breakout role was as a hooker with a heart of gold in the classic, Pretty Woman. Vanessa’s break out role was as Amy in Disaster Movie. Its greatest achievement is being number one on IMDB’s Bottom 100 list. Woohooo! We’re #1! We’re #1!
Vanessa Minnillo: I want an Oscar [In Touch]