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Wuchakk
My All-Time Favorite Movies: http://www.imdb.com/list/ls070122364/
Film Axioms:
- No genre is beyond redemption or above contempt.
- Just because a movie's good doesn't mean you'll like it; just because you like it doesn't mean it's good.
- Italians have been making the worst movies for a hundred years.
- Howard Hawks supplied the simplest definition of a good movie: "Three great scenes. No bad scenes."
- Nine out of ten times when there's a bar scene in a movie there's a fight.
- Every great auteur/actor has a bad or dubious film; but, remember, even God created the cockroach.
- People who go overboard with criticism -- e.g. "This is the worst film ever!" or "I'd give this 0/10 if I could!" -- lose credibility as reviewers. The same goes with overrating a movie.
- Honest reviewers must resist the influence of mass hype when a popular film debuts. Separating it from the initial epidemic fervor is mandatory in determining it's true worth. (Remember when Roger Ebert gave Peter Jackson's "King Kong" a perfect rating of 4/4 Stars? Why sure!).
- Movies are life with the boring bits taken out.
- A movie can be technically well-made, but void of depth. The reverse is also true: A movie can be technically deficient (usually due to low-budget), but thematically wealthy. Whereas the ideal is to have both, sometimes a movie's budget doesn't allow for top-notch filmmaking, but it can still soar in the realm of worthy mindfood. Some excellent examples from my reviews include "From Within," "Billy Jack" and "Tribes." Many episodes of the original Star Trek TV series are great examples as well, such as "Space Seed," "The Naked Time" or "The City on the Edge of Forever."
- Movies must be critiqued and graded according to what they are and aspire to achieve. For instance, 1998's "Godzilla" is a colossal-creature movie and should therefore be reviewed on that level. Compared to the original "Apocalypse Now" it's dreck, but how does it stack-up to other gigantic-monster movies?
- Reviewers who intentionally say false things about a film reveal a personal vendetta against it and lose all credibility as reviewers. Don't even give these types of "reviewers" and their "reviews" the time of day.
- Movies are the modern-day campfire tales of centuries past. They entertain, amuse, inspire and mentor. Generally speaking, they provide the mythology that helps the modern world cope with reality.
- I see a lot of reviewers giving movies 10/10 Stars or 1/10 Stars when, the reality is, most movies fall between 5/10 Stars and 7/10 Stars.
- Disregarding profits, the main purpose of a movie is to entertain; the secondary purpose is to convey a message. The better the entertainment and message, the better the movie. The reverse is also true.
- In 99 out of 100 movies, if something doesn't happen by the end of the first reel, nothing's gonna happen (at least nothing compelling, effective, original or inspiring).
- Popularity at the box office is very important for people who's opinion of an artistic work needs validated by others (rolling my eyes).
- A movie that doesn't do well at the box office isn't always an indicator that it's bad; it could mean something interesting is going on that's too far out of the norm for mass consumption. "Watchmen" and (believe it or not) "The Wizard of Oz" are good examples ("Wizard" bombed when it debuted in 1939).
- Watching a movie is like seeing someone else's hallucination. You have to be willing to enter into the film's 'world' to appreciate it. If you can't, you won't.
- The rating of a movie is irrelevant (G, PG, PG-13, R). Does more gore, more nudity, more cussing, more overt sexual situations determine the worthiness of a film? Maybe for 13 year-olds. Is "The Wizard of OZ" a lousy film because it's rated G? How about the original "Planet of the Apes"?
- While good movies can be made with big budgets, big names, big stunts and incredible F/X, they can also be made with small budgets, creative writers & directors and no-name-but-quality actors.
- No one sets out to make a bad movie.
- It's always preferable to watch an entertaining mess over a competent bore-fest.
- Art (including film) is not meant to be an imitation of reality, but rather an interpretation of it.
- Never watch a movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.
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RATING GUIDE:
10/10 Stars: A+ (Top-of-the-line)
9/10 Stars: A (Excellent)
8/10 Stars: A- (Breaks the threshold of greatness)
7/10 Stars: B+ or B (Very good or, at least, good)
6/10 Stars: B or B- (Marginal "thumbs up")
5/10 Stars: C+ or C (Too flawed to recommend, but some worthwhile aspects)
4/10 Stars: C or C- (Severely mediocre or flawed)
3/10 Stars: D+ or D (Cinematic flotsam)
2/10 Stars: D or D- ("Brain and brain, what is brain?")
1/10 Star: F (Worthless garbage for one important reason or another)
Note: Like everyone else, I tend to watch movies I think I might like, which explains my numerous positive ratings.
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Favorite Film of All Time:
Apocalypse Now
TV Axiom:
- Every ten years or so a TV show comes along that doesn't suck.
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againPlease note that this list refers to women "Present & Past," so there are several females who have passed away or are well beyond their physical prime. Carol Lynley is a good example. This is why I cite specific movies or TV shows in which to view these lovely ladies at their physical best.
Others have suggested several women that I should add to the list. I appreciate this and I may add them at some point when I eventually view them in a movie or show (Sofia Vergara and Sophia Loren are good examples); but some of them I'm well familiar with and -- even though they're beautiful women one way or another, perhaps even stunning -- they lack the qualities necessary to make my list (Raquel Welch, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba come to mind) (some of these almost made my list, like Jessica Biel).
It was also suggested that I should add several Victoria Secrets women, but this list is limited to women who appear in movies & TV shows, even if a few of them are more singers than actresses.
Someone else criticized the list for not including "women of color," but look closely and you'll observe a sprinkling of such lasses, like Vida Guerra, Bingbing Fan, Yolanda Pecoraro, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, Salma Hayek, Sonia Braga and more. The obvious reason there aren't more "women of color" is because I'm a white dude (with some Abenaki blood) and, gee, I guess I tend to prefer women with lighter skin. This has nothing to do with racism; it's just personal preference and, besides, this is a subjective list.
WARNING: Some of my comments contain SPOILERS.
(More to come)
This list includes films from all three types of sword & sandal movies: 1. historical or realistic, 2. fantasy ones that typically have an element of magic/sorcery (i.e. "sword & sorcery") and 3. biblical, which is arguably one-and-the-same as the first type.
Some heralded Westerns aren't on the list because either 1. I'm not a fan (e.g. "The Searchers") or 2. I generally like them, but not enough to make my favorites list (e.g. "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" & "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid"). In some cases, I might have yet to see the film (e.g. "The Great Silence").
There are other Westerns that I remember liking and they may make my list in the future, but I have to give 'em a fresh viewing because I haven't seen them for so long.
Feel free to give your feedback, thanks!
Write me at: dltoes@msn.com
Since this list contains movies from all production levels, film snobs who only favor flicks with blockbuster-level budgets are encouraged to skip it.
For questions, comments or rebukes, write me at: dltoes@msn.com
In no certain order.
For questions, comments or rebukes, write me at: dltoes@msn.com
Most cult movie lists curiously contain utterly horrid flicks, like "Pink Flamingos" (Seriously?) and "Plan 9 from Outer Space" (get real) or fruity wannabe hip crapolla like "Rocky Horror," which explains the title of my list. While numerous of the films on this list are loathed by the masses they're actually worthwhile movies for various significant reasons. My commentaries provide evidence.
I'm not including widely-known movies that you'll often see on cult movie lists, like "The Wizard of Oz," "King Kong," "Apocalypse Now" and "Pulp Fiction," because -- although I wholly agree that they deserve their devotees -- they're just so popular that they're not really cult films.
Some definitive cult flicks, like "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" and "Mad Max," aren't on this list simply because -- while certainly worth seeing -- they're just not entertaining enough to make my list; and entertainment (one way or another) is the name of the game.
Lastly, any cult movie list that includes every Tarantino flick -- or practically all of them -- should be rejected out of hand. (Pick one or two that best represent his repertoire and be done with it).
Reviews
Lurking Woods (2015)
Traditional slasher set in the rolling hills northeast of Perth, Australia
Three guys and three gals in their mid-20s go out to a cabin for a college reunion, but a masked slayer is mysteriously lurking in the area. Will anyone make it out alive?
"Lurking Woods" (2015) is a conventional slasher, which the viewer is tipped off to at the outset by the shot of an arm wielding a knife in the air, reminiscent of the infamous "Psycho" shower scene. Of course this is a slasher of the cabin-in-the-woods variety and an Indie at that (costing about $270,000 in USD). Some scenes probably could've been tightened up, but the movie worked for me as an all-around entertaining slasher with a gorgeous rural setting, proficient Indie filmmaking, a quality score, a couple of rockin' songs on the soundtrack, an interesting reveal at the end and a decent no-name cast.
Speaking of which, the creators knocked it out of the ballpark with the female cast, featuring blonde Dominique Shenton (Arleen), Chloe Brown (Alice) and Hope Devaney (Andrea). Redhead Cassee Lazic is also worth a mention in a cameo as Amy. The director has a good eye for depicting feminine beauty without getting raunchy (although the final girl does have a brief top nude scene).
At the end of the day, "Lurking Woods" doesn't try to do something new, it's just effective at what it is, a low-budget standard slasher. The contemporaneous "The Lake on Clinton Road" and "Crazy Lake" are good American examples. If you liked those, this is as good or better.
It runs 1 hour, 17 minutes, and was shot in Toodyah, which is an hour-drive northeast of Perth.
GRADE: B.
Getting It On (1983)
Not as distasteful as "Porky's" but not as good as "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
A 14 years-old teen in Hickory, North Carolina, gets ahold of some video recording equipment and wastes no time taping his attractive neighbor and other females.
"Getting It On" (1983) was shot in twenty-four days in October, 1982, under the more accurate name "American Voyeur" for $220,000, which would be about $693,000 today (factoring inflation). It's a teen sex dramedy that's not as raunchy as "Porky's" from two years prior, but it's not as palatable as "Valley Girl." It lands somewhere in between.
It has some appeal as a coming-of-age in the 80s flick and there are a few attractive females (with three briefly shown top nude, just a heads up). Plus, it seems to have a good heart underneath the sometimes awkward sex-oriented material, but it doesn't hold a candle to the great "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
Still, it's preferable to the offensive "American Pie" flicks. And there are inspired bits, like when the protagonist, his best friend, and the latter's older brother sneak into a local community costume party for adults dressed as Ku Klux Klansmen and no one bats an eye!
It runs 1 hour, 35 minutes, and was shot in Hickory, which is an hour's drive northwest of Charlotte on the western side of the state.
GRADE: C.
Curse of Crom: The Legend of Halloween (2022)
An American Halloween tale that gives you Goosebumps
In a small town in northern Utah, a high school senior (Chelsea Jurkiewicz) is troubled by the tragedy of a cantankerous old neighbor. She and her friends soon discover that an ancient Irish entity is unleashed and they must stop it before midnight on Halloween. But how?
"Curse of Crom: The Legend of Halloween" (2022) was based on a story by R. H. Grimly, who grew up on R. L. Stein's Goosebumps, Wait Till Helen Comes, and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark with the goal of getting kids into reading and scare them while doing it. As such, this is kid-friendly in that there's no sleaze or buckets of gore, but it's definitely still an amusing Halloween-oriented horror flick with the required spooky staples, even frightening in a comic book way.
Jurkiewicz works well as the protagonist, but she's clearly years older than 17 (she was almost 23 during shooting and looked closer to 30). Blonde Monica Moore Smith is attractive as the amusing Stephanie while redhead Ariana Bagley is worth a mention as Georgia. On the other side of the gender spectrum, Tanner Gillman (Harvey) and Halem Medina (Steve) are effective as friends of the girls.
The flick runs 1 hour, 32 minutes, and was shot in Utah.
GRADE: B-
To All a Goodnight (1980)
Early slasher combines "Black Christmas" and "Friday the 13th"
During Christmas break at an all-girls finishing school up the coast from Malibu, several of the girls have some boys over for the evening, but the festivities take a horrific turn when corpses start mounting up.
"To All a Goodnight" (1980) only cost $70,000 when it was made in 1979, which would be about $280,000 today (factoring inflation). The hallowed "Halloween" from two years earlier had 4.5 times the budget. Nevertheless, it's a fairly proficient early slasher that rips-off "Black Christmas" from six years prior, mixed with some bits from "Friday the 13th," which actually came out 3 months later.
The slaying Santa element prefigures "Silent Night, Deadly Night" 4 years before that debuted and 10 months before "Christmas Evil." But "Tales From the Crypt" was the first movie to feature this angle 8 years earlier.
While the story is too dull in a "poor man's Black Christmas" way and the slayings are more amusing than horrifying, it has its points of interest, including a quality cast of women, highlighted by: Linda Gentile as Melody; Angela Bath as Trisha (unfortunately, she's removed a little too prematurely); Jennifer Runyon as Nancy, the winsome protagonist, aka "final girl"; and Lisa Labowskie as Cynthia, the blonde who doesn't last long. Even Judith Bridges as "plain Jane" Leia has a certain appeal in a girl-next-door way.
The film runs 1 hour, 27 minutes, and was shot in Santa Barbara, which is 95 miles up the coast, northwest of Los Angeles.
GRADE: C.
The Axiom (2018)
What happens to those people who go missing in remote National Parks?
A sister and brother (Hattie Smith and Zac Titus) take some friends into a National Park to find their missing sister in the Far West, but very strange things start happening. Will any of them make it back alive?
"The Axiom" (2018) is a cabin-in-the-woods flick at heart, but the antagonist isn't the cliched variety, such as a masked psycho with a machete or Sasquatch. So it gets points for creativity and ambition, plus the filmmaking is all-around proficient, especially for an Indie. For instance, the sylvan cinematography and score are top-of-the-line. Armchair critics malign the acting, but I found them all convincing, particularly for no-names.
Thankfully, there's no woke crap. And Hattie Smith is worth the price of admission as the stunning protagonist, constantly prancing around in shorts. Brunette Nicole Dambro has a certain appeal too as Darcy.
It's superior to half-baked nonsense like "Monsters in the Woods" and better than "The Legend of Bloody Jack" and "Don't Blink," but not quite as effective as "Donner Pass" or "Wendigo" (2001). I'd put it on par with "Primal Rage." I bring up those particular movies because there are bits reminiscent of them.
The ideas presented are interesting, but there's not enough elucidation. The viewer is left unsatisfied due to too many lingering questions, which I don't want to reveal because I don't want to spoil the viewing experience.
It runs 1 hour, 38 minutes, and was shot in Idyllwild, which is a 2-hour drive east of Los Angeles, an hour southwest of Palm Springs in the high country.
GRADE: B-
Catchfire (1990)
Amusing crime thriller road trip with Dennis Hopper and Jodie Foster
A hitman for the mob in Western America (Hopper) falls for his prey (Foster) and they find themselves running from both the mob and law enforcement.
"Backtrack" was shot in 1988 and originally released in Europe as "Catchfire" in 1990, but the director/star disowned it and credited the film to Alan Smithee. So, he did a Director's Cut that was released to cable in 1991, retitled "Backtrack." It was influenced by Eastwood's "The Gauntlet" from a dozen years earlier. While it's superior to Hopper's contemporaneous "The Hot Spot," it's not as effective as his "Chasers" (1994).
Yet it's worthwhile for the great cast (also including Vincent Price, Joe Pesci, Charlie Sheen, Dean Stockwell and several other recognizable faces), not to mention Jodie in her physical prime. In other words, she never looked better.
The version I saw runs 1 hour, 39 minutes, but there's a version that runs 1 hour, 56 minutes (the Director's Cut) and, supposedly, a 3-hour version. It was shot in the Los Angeles area, Seattle and New Mexico (Albuquerque, Lindrith, Lamy, Taos, Rio Grande Gorge Bridge and Ranchos de Taos).
GRADE: B/B-
Bloodstone: Subspecies II (1993)
Atmospheric Gothic horror set in Romania
Michelle (Denice Duff) escapes the castle of Radu (Anders Hove) with the sacred bloodstone, which contains the blood of the saints. In Bucharest, she contacts her sister for help (Melanie Shatner), who flies in ASAP, but Radu has followed Michelle to the city, coveting the artifact and her.
"Bloodstone: Subspecies II" (1993) is the second of four films released between 1991-1998, not to mention a spinoff flick. A fifth installment finally surfaced in 2023. They're gothic horror in the modern-day similar to Dracula flicks, just with a different antagonist. "Subspecies," incidentally, was the first American film to be shot in Romania after the breakdown of the Iron Curtain, filmed in September-November, 1990. This one was shot in 1992. Romania, incidentally, was the sole country in Eastern Europe to overthrow its socialist government with violence.
"Bram Stoker's Dracula" was released the year between the first movie and this one. The difference is that Coppola's blockbuster had more money to work with and was shot in the studio in Los Angeles whereas these "Subspecies" flicks used actual ancient ruins, castles and woodland areas of Romania. In short, they're great Gothic flicks for authentic Carpathian atmosphere.
Like Coppola's movie, the tone is totally serious and the vampires are revolting. Radu is like a meshing of "Nosferatu" (1922/1979) mixed with Marvel's Morbius. He could've been the lead singer in a black metal band in the 90s. Speaking of metal, the band in the nightclub is 13 Ghosts and the two songs they play are "Death of Innocence" and "Beneath the Gravestone."
As far as the women go, Irina Movila stood out in the first movie as Mara, but she's absent here. As such, Denice Duff carries the story on the feminine front, replacing Laura Tate as Michelle from the 1991 film. There are a couple tasteful bits of nudity concerning Michelle, but no sleaze. Melanie Shatner, William's daughter, plays second fiddle to Denice, but she's strapped with an unappealing short haircut. Meanwhile Pamela Gordon as the grotesque "Mummy" is a creative touch.
The diminutive stop-motion creatures from the first movie only appear near the beginning.
Of the first two movies, I prefer the first, but this one is a quality continuation of the story, albeit very simple. Of course, simplicity is the composer's greatest tool.
The film runs 1 hour, 26 minutes, and was shot entirely in Romania, including Corvin Castle in Hunedoara and Bucharest.
GRADE: B-/B.
B'Twixt Now and Sunrise (2022)
"The horror, the horror" of the creative process
Val Kilmer stars as Hall Baltimore, a third string mystery/horror writer on his latest book tour staying in a small town where he gets involved in a murder mystery upon meeting the eccentric sheriff, Bobby LaGrange (Bruce Dern). He meets a quasi-goth girl named V (Elle Fanning) who reminds him of his pubescent daughter. There's also a camp of weirdo goth-kids across the lake and Edgar Allen Poe shows up now and then as a kind of spirit-guide (Ben Chaplin), but what's dream and what's reality? And who murdered the female in the morgue with a stake?
"B'Twixt Now and Sunrise" is Francis Ford Coppola's renamed reedit of his 2011 movie "Twixt," released in 2022. It's a mystery/dramedy with elements of horror, combining the look of Coppola's "Bram Stoker's Dracula" with the inscrutableness of his "Youth Without Youth," plus a welcome side of humor. It's a quirky mystery that leaves you scratching your head, but you find yourself enjoying the ride, a Gothic tale with beautifully haunting cinematography & atmosphere, highlighted by Poe, bell towers, ghosts and bats in the belfry. The enhanced moonlighting and otherworldly blueish gray tones are awesome.
It tackles the creative process as we observe the desperation of a writer scraping the bottom of the barrel, often under the influence of sundry intoxicants. Will he come up with a best seller? Will he solve the murder mystery? Will he come to terms with his specters and demons that arise from his guilt over what happened to his daughter? That element, by the way, brings to mind Francis' 23 years-old son, Gian-Carlo Coppola, who was tragically killed in a similar boating accident in May, 1986. The reckless driver was Griffin O'Neal (Ryan's son).
A lot of the movie is an internal dialogue with the author's own ghosts and literary influences. Charles Baudelaire (a notorious substance abuser) is referenced, with the aforementioned Poe intermittently appearing, but only when Baltimore is under the influence, or dreaming. Did the abuse and murder of the children happen as shown? Or did Poe and the vampire incarnation of Hall's own daughter serve as muses as he works his way through creating a story that might turn his career around? Coppola leaves it up to you to decide what is real and what is imagination, but the answers are there if you want 'em.
Francis got the story from a dream he had while staying in Istanbul. This sets-up the criticism that Coppola's dream is the audience's nightmare. While "Twixt" and this reedit are too ambiguous for their own good, it's obviously intentional and he wanted the viewer to leave with questions to ponder. Besides, does everything need to be spelled out?
As for comparing the two versions, this one's 8 minutes shorter and I think I liked it better (it's hard to say because I saw the former version 8 years earlier).
It was shot at Kelseyville and the Clear Lake area of Northern California.
GRADE: B+
Asteroid (2021)
Will a rock from space tear a family apart or bring them together?
A man returns to his hometown in upstate New York (Cuyle Carvin) with his wife (Mattie Jo Cowsert) and teenage daughter (Miley Rose), but they're distressed to learn that their location is on a collision course with an oncoming asteroid. The question is why?
Despite its title, "Asteroid" (2021) is not a sci-fi flick in any conventional sense, such as something that appears on SyFy. It's a quirky dramedy with droll humor about how a looming catastrophe negatively affects people with the potential to destroy them or unite them.
The lush locations (and caverns) of Oneonta, New York, are a plus, which is located about 30 miles southwest of Cooperstown (pronounced oh-nee-AAN-tuh).
As far as the cast goes, Cuyle Carvin makes for a quality masculine protagonist and his friendship with Kenny (LeJon Woods) is enjoyable. Meanwhile Richard Waddingham is reminiscent of James Cromwell's Zefram Cochrane in "Star Trek: First Contact" (1996). On the feminine front, lovely Mattie Jo Cowsert as Lynn is a revelation and worth the price of admission. Sure, the teenage daughter is mopey and spoiled, but there's hope.
It runs 1 hour, 27 minutes.
GRADE: B-
Beretta's Island (1993)
Arnold's best friend, a short bodybuilder, as a detective on the island of Sardinia
An Interpol agent in Los Angeles (Franco Columbu) comes out of retirement to help rid his hometown of violent drug dealers in Sardinia.
"Baretta's Island" (1993) is a low-budget crime thriller set mostly on an island off the western coast of Italy starring Franco Columbu. He was Schwarzeneggar's best friend and sometimes showed up in his movies in bit parts, such as the Pictish scout near the beginning of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982). Arnold has a cameo here in the dreadfully boring opening weight-lifting sequence. Franco was short at 5'5", but he's likable as the protagonist, although he's a lousy actor.
One of the main reasons to see this flick, aside from the nice island locations, is Elizabeth Kaitan as Linda. She was beautiful and winsome during her 'B' movie career from approximately 1983-1997; and notable in films like "Necromancer" (1988) and "Nightwish" (1989). In this one, she usually appears in baggy jean shorts or tight jeans, although she has a decent sequence in a yellow bikini and, at the very end, a tame top nude scene while swimming with the protagonist.
The movie runs about 1 hour, 30 minutes, and was shot mainly in Ollolai, Nuoro, Sardinia, Italy (Franco's hometown), as a well as other areas of Sardinia, not to mention Las Vegas, Nevada, and Los Angeles.
GRADE: D+
Disturbia (2007)
Shia LaBeouf in a Rear Window-like thriller
Five months shy of 18 years-old, a teen in suburbia (LaBeouf) finds himself under house arrest but, thankfully, an attractive new girl moves in next door (Sarah Roemer) to stir his interest. He starts to suspect that a neighbor might be a notorious serial killer (David Morse). Carrie-Anne Moss is on hand as his mother.
"Disturbia" (2007) has a set-up similar to Hitchcock's "Rear Window" and later imitations, such as "Fright Night" and "Abominable." LaBeouf's star was rising at the time and he's fine as the everyman teen protagonist. Roemer's star was also rising, but her career never panned out into anything significant.
It's perfectly fine as a psychological thriller with a one-dimensional milieu in the mold of "Rear Window" or "What Lies Beneath," but never becomes anything more than that and is easily the least of 'em. It's strangely dull. But, if you like the cast, give it a try.
It runs 1 hour, 44 minutes, and was shot in the heart of Greater Los Angeles in the town of Whittier.
GRADE: C+
Hellfire (1949)
Old Western is offbeat enough to make it worthwhile
A penitent gambler in the Old West (Bill Elliott) hooks up with a wanted female outlaw (Marie Windsor), evidently with the hope of reforming her. Unfortunately, his marshal friend (Forrest Tucker) is hot on her trail.
"Hellfire" (1949) is a little too talky with some dull moments, but at least it's not shallow and develops the characters. The spiritual commentary may be a little corny, but it's refreshing and the ending involving Psalm 23 is genuinely moving. Plus, it's interesting to see how far back you can trace the strong, independent female character (I'd say "femme fatale," but that doesn't actually fit).
Speaking of which, if a woman in the Old West could learn to master the art of gunmanship, she automatically became an equal to any man, no more having to endure unwanted groping and advances as a saloon girl. The flick should be commended for stressing this, not to mention statuesque Marie Windsor is entertaining.
It runs 1 hour, 30 minutes, and was shot at Iverson Ranch in Chatsworth, Los Angeles, with second unit stuff done in Sedona, Arizona.
GRADE: B-
Blame It on Rio (1984)
Fun romcom with spectacular locations but too, um, sleazy
Two well-to-do Americans from the big city are having marital problems. So they take their 18 years-old daughters to Rio de Janeiro to refresh. The liberal one (Joseph Bologna) doesn't waste time in finding a dubious mate for his carnal pleasures while the conservative one (Michael Caine) makes the mistake of being with the daughter of the other on the beach wherein she confesses her crush (Michelle Johnson). Nothing good can come from this.
"Blame It on Rio" (1984) is effectively quirky amusement with can't-beat-'em locations. The best comparison would be "10" from five years earlier, but this isn't as good all things considered. There's a great message on forgiveness at the end, but there's a little too much sleaze for my tastes. For instance, Michelle Johnson was five months shy of being 18 during shooting, yet she's shown totally nude at one point. Why? The movie suggests that the hedonistic spirit of Rio sets loose one's carnal passions.
Also on the feminine front are Demi Moore as the other daughter (she was 20 during shooting); and Valerie Harper as the wife of Caine's character. Valerie still looked great at 44 during filming.
The movie runs 1 hour, 40 minutes, and was shot in Rio de Janeiro.
GRADE: C.
Kalahari (2024)
Survival in the Kalahari Desert, physical and spiritual
A missionary couple in Africa (Ryan Phillippe and Mena Suvari) are forced to take a flight with a questionable bush pilot (Emile Hirsch). Unfortunately, they & several others end up stuck in the barren areas of Southwest Africa with plenty of lions and hyenas roaming about.
"Prey" (2024) was originally called "Kalahari," but changed to the hackneyed "Prey." The movie poster isn't that far removed from the 2007 movie "Prey." At heart, this is a modern take on "Sands of the Kalahari" and "Flight of the Pheonix" with a key element of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) thrown in. While this is the least of 'em due to its low-budget, it works well enough for a slow-burn survival adventure wherein the gore is more implied than shoved in your face. I prefer it to the 2007 version of "Prey."
There's a factual error (the medical treatment of a particular wound), as well as a couple of seeming plot holes, but one of them can be easily explained on the grounds that a stray bullet struck the radiator of the jeep. A better explanation is that the jeep wasn't even there since one of the Namibians said something about waiting for the jeep to come back, possibly with another vehicle to transport the prisoners. The other potential plot hole can also be explained with a little imagination. The writer/director isn't obligated to spell everything out and respects the intelligence of viewers to put the pieces together.
This was the first time I've seen Hirsch play a bad boy and he's convincing. I also liked the lowkey ideological struggle between good and evil, morality vs immorality, faith and atheism (or, at least, agnosticism), Christianity vs secular humanism. Speaking of which, it's laughable that some people criticize the flick on the grounds of it being "Christian propaganda." Two of the main characters are occupational missionaries, so it's understood that God and faith will come up in a few of the dialogues. But, again, this is so light it's hard to believe anyone would complain. The same came up in "The Grey," but no one complained there.
As for a weather-related incident that occurs at the end, it doesn't have to be attributed to a metaphysical source since freak things happen in the weather all the time. The film leaves you thinking about life's heavy issues, like what's your purpose? Is there a Creator? Is life a meaningless accident? Is there good and evil -- ethical and unethical -- or is everything relative? Is redemption possible for the morally compromised? Is there such a thing as self-sacrificial love (aka, agape)?
The movie runs 1 hour, 26 minutes, and was shot in the arid areas of the high country north of Los Angeles, such as SilverStrand Ranch, Castaic; Agua Dulce Movie Ranch; The Quarry in Semi Valley (for the sand sequence); MH Aviation in Lancaster; and Vasquez Rocks; as well as studio stuff done at Blackstone Entertainment, Azusa. A second unit filmed additional scenery and animals in South Africa, along with the use of stock footage.
GRADE: B-
Viva Zapata! (1952)
Brando and Anthony Quinn as brothers during the Mexican Revolution
In the Mexican state of Morelos, 1909-1911, Emiliano Zapata (Marlon) rises up as a leader of the revolution against dictator Porfirio Díaz, who supported the elites that monopolized land and water resources for sugarcane production. Zapata warily cooperates with candidate Francisco Madero, who was supported by Pancho Villa and made vague promises about land reform.
"Viva Zapata" (1952) is a Western with the setting of the Mexican Revolution directed by the man who also teamed up with Brando for "A Streetcar Named Desire" and "On the Waterfront." It was unfortunately made in B&W, but a colorized version is available for those interested (which is the version I watched).
This was the first of four Westerns done by Brando, followed by "One-Eyed Jacks," "The Appaloosa" and "The Missouri Breaks." It's superior to "Appaloosa," but not great like "Jacks" or as creative as "Breaks" (and understandably so, since it's based on history).
Winsome Jean Peters is a highlight on the feminine front.
To see what happens a decade after the events in this movie, check out "For Greater Glory: The True Story of Cristiada" (2012), which chronicles the Cristero War.
It runs 1 hour, 53 minutes, and was largely shot in Texas (Roma, Del Rio, Delores, San Ygnacio, Rio Grande City, McAllen and Laredo); as well as Durango, Colorado (the train sequences); New Mexico; and Century Ranch, Malibu Canyon, California.
GRADE: B.
Murder in Coweta County (1983)
Crime drama set in Georgia of the late 40s with Andy Griffith and Johnny Cash
In 1948, a wealthy landowner in Meriwether County (Griffith) controls the Sheriff and the citizens, but when he flaunts his power in neighboring Coweta County, the no-nonsense Sheriff comes after him (Cash).
"Murder in Coweta County" (1983) is a well-done period piece based on the true story, also called "Last Blood." It's similar to "Mississippi Burning," which came out five years later (and no doubt influenced it), just with the television budget of "Murder in Mississippi" (1990), which is the unofficial prequel to that more famous theatrical film.
Johnny's wife, June Carter Cash, has an interesting role as a backwoods Christian seer. John Wallace (Griffith) visiting her in desperation is reminiscent of King Saul going to the witch of Endor in the Bible (1 Samuel 28).
Griffith is effective in the rare role of the antagonist, which he proved he could do 9 years earlier in another worthwhile TV production, "Pray for the Wildcats."
The movie runs 1 hour, 40 minutes, and was shot in the heart of Georgia in areas south of Atlanta; specifically, Monticello (street scenes, exterior scenes and the historic downtown square), Zebulon (courthouse exterior) and Greenville.
GRADE: B.
Haunts (1976)
When sins of the past haunt you
After a shocking death in a small coastal town in Northern California, a single woman living on a small farm (May Britt) is subsequently attacked. The sheriff (Aldo Ray) sets his eyes on a "bad boy" short-order cook (William Gray Espy) and a new guy from Baltimore, but maybe the culprit is the woman's weird uncle (Cameron Mitchell).
"Haunts" (1976) was made by the writer/director of the later "Beyond Evil" and "Graduation Day." The inclusion of Mitchell brings to mind the soon-to-come "The Toolbox Murders" and "Without Warning." Yet don't expect a conventional horror or slasher. This is more along the lines of "The Shuttered Room" and "Let's Scare Jessica to Death" mixed with a little "Rachel, Rachel."
It's a moody, dark psychological study that has the confidence to take its time, effectively fleshing out several characters in Anytown, America. It should be appreciated by those who liked the above movies and other psychological horror flicks from that era, like "Nightmare" (1981) and "Don't Go in the House" (1979). If some things strike a "Yeah, right" chord, hold on, because all is explained at the end (albeit ambiguously).
May Britt hadn't performed in a movie for 16 years before resurfacing in this one. She played the sultry German wife of Brando's captain in "The Young Lions" and was very effective in the role. Here, her character is conservative and modest, plagued by things that transpired in her childhood. It was May's final film.
It runs 1 hour, 36 minutes, and was shot in Mendocino, California, which is 150 miles north of the Bay Area.
GRADE: B-
The Swimmer (1968)
Offbeat parable of self-discovery on the collapse of the "American dream"
A somewhat confused man in swimming trunks (Burt Lancaster) travels from pool to pool in suburban Connecticut on his way home. Some of the people he comes across are played by Janet Landgard, Janice Rule, Joan Rivers and Diana Muldaur, amongst several others.
"The Swimmer" (1968) is a semi-surreal commentary on mid-60's America and the emptiness of materialism, as well as self-destruction. The fact that Ned Merrill (Lancaster) is almost naked throughout the film tells all. But the revelations are lowkey; you have to put the pieces together. I liked the insights on the folly of compulsiveness, whether social, youth-obsession, sexual or self-delusion. It's an immersion into a struggling man's soul.
The allegory offers additional insights about the people we cross paths with in life. Friends might, more accurately, be casual acquaintances. Those whom you least suspect might be your biggest fans, at least in their memories. How did you treat others when you were on top? Who's there for you when you're no longer on top?
It runs 1 hour, 35 minutes, and was shot entirely in southwest Connecticut (Weston, Wilton, Westport, Stamford and Fairfield).
GRADE: B.
Church People (2021)
Christians can be funny too, often unintentionally
A popular youth group pastor at a megachurch in greater Los Angeles (Thor Ramsey) struggles with the assembly losing the point with their perpetual gimmicks while possibly romancing the pastor's daughter (Erin Cahill) and dealing with an unexpected girl from his past (Andriana Manfredi).
"Church People" (2021) is a fun satire with snappy dialogue related to the typical happenings at a large, popular fellowship. Ramsey works well as the protagonist with winsome Erin Cahill offering quality support, along with Manfredi. The only other flick I've seen Erin in is "Boogeyman 3" from 13 years prior; she's reminiscent of Karen Allen. Meanwhile the senior pastor (Michael Monks) is reminiscent of Jack Hayford, who passed away a couple years after this was released.
Stephen Baldwin is on hand as a 'weird' greeter with the uncanny gift of the word of knowledge. There's a great joke involving him near the end.
The flick really won me over at the midpoint with the laser tag sequence and the hilarious meeting of the two females. As for the climax, it revolves around self-crucifixion and is actually moving.
The movie runs 1 hour, 36 minutes, and was shot at Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, which is in the high country 25-minutes northwest of Malibu, a 45-minutes drive from Hollywood to the east.
GRADE: B.
Places in the Heart (1984)
Outcasts unite as a family of sorts in the Lone Star State during the Depression
After a tragedy, a desperate mother (Sally Field) in rural east Texas takes in a blind boarder (John Malkovich) and enlists the help of a questionable black drifter (Danny Glover) in order to make ends meet, with the possibility of a cotton crop.
"Places in the Heart" (1984) belongs to the troubled farmer dramas that flooded the market in 1984. The others include "The River," "Country" and "The Dollmaker." I prefer this one over "The River" (which are the only two I've seen). It's based on writer/director Robert Benton's experiences growing up in the Waxahachie area, which is 30 minutes south of Dallas. The flick works up some quality human interest and would influence the soon-to-come "Mississippi Burning."
Being a slice-of-life picture based on someone's experiences in real-life, I appreciated the subplot featuring Lindsay Crouse, Ed Harris and Amy Madigan, which some people complain was superfluous. There's an effective table scene & aftermath that was done even better in the later "Little Children."
Anyway, it comes in the tradition of great American dramas like "Of Mice and Men" and "The Great Santini."
The movie runs 1 hour, 51 minutes, and was shot in Ellis County, which is just south of Dallas in northeast Texas. Waxahachie is the town and Five Points is where the cotton gin is located.
GRADE: B.
Leprechaun's Revenge (2012)
A malevolent Leprechaun is on the loose
In the town of Keening in eastern USA, a teenager (Courtney Halverson) inadvertently resurrects a creature linked to her Irish heritage while out hunting with her grandad (William Devane). They attempt to convince her skeptical father, who happens to be the sheriff (Billy Zane), as they try to figure out how to stop the murderous lil' devil.
"Red Clover" (2012) was originally titled "Leprechaun's Revenge," but it has nothing to do with the series featuring Warwick Davis. The creature here is uglier, humorless and more malevolent, ripping faces off, disemboweling victims and cutting a person in half. The scriptwriter wrote "Headless Horseman" and the contemporaneous "American Horror House," as well as directed "Sharknado" the next year. This is cut from the same TV-budget cloth.
Redhead Courtney Halverson is decent as the teen protagonist with her unique look, but she's almost anorexic looking. They needed someone who is able to keep the viewer's attention in a flick of this ilk, like Cindy Busby in "Behemoth" or Danielle C. Ryan from "Snowbeast," both of which came out a year earlier. Erin Karpluk from "Wyvern" is another good example while Joelle Westwood in "The Hunting" is a more recent one.
Yet the green-hued cinematography is welcome and I liked how the actors took the material seriously with an occasional stab at droll humor. The father's explanation for the missing mother, however, is ridiculous and leaves a bad taste, along with the ending in general.
The flick runs 1 hour, 28 minutes, and was shot in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
GRADE: C.
El buque maldito (1974)
Ship of ghouls off the coast of Spain
A sporting goods magnate (Jack Taylor) masterminds a publicity stunt involving two beautiful women set adrift at sea near the shipping lines. When the girls encounter a mysterious centuries-old vessel, the mogul loses contact with them and orchestrates a rescue party. Horror ensues.
"The Ghost Galleon" (1974) is titled El buque maldito in Spanish, which translates to "The Cursed Ship." It comes in the tradition of Hammer flicks like "The Lost Continent" and "The Vengeance of She" (both from 1968), just with a less ambitious story. It would inspire future films such as "The Fog," "Death Ship" and "Ghost Ship."
This is the least of 'em, however, because the story's too one-dimensional and slow, which makes the viewing relatively dull. Yet it works up some quality spookiness. It's basically a haunted house flick using a 15th century Spanish galleon as a substitute for the house.
Voluptuous Margarita Merino as Lorena is a short-lived highlight in the feminine department followed by semi-petite Blanca Estrada as Kathy. Maria Persch plays Lillian and was 35 years-old during shooting; she was still quite attractive, but her character is a turn-off, yet not completely (thankfully).
This was the third entry in writer/director Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead collection, which also includes "Tombs of the Blind Dead," "Return of the Evil Dead" and "Night of the Seagulls." You don't need to see these others in order to watch this one; it's a standalone flick.
It runs 1 hour, 29 minutes, and was shot in Alicante on the southeast coast of Spain, with studio stuff done in Madrid.
GRADE: C+
Revolution (1985)
Al Pacino transported to the American Revolution
After the Declaration of Independence, a fur trapper (Pacino) & his son are inadvertently enlisted in the Continental Army in the summer of 1776, wherein they find themselves fighting The Battle of Long Island. They end up working as scouts and are at Valley Forge during the cold winter of 1777-1778, as well as Yorktown in 1781. Nastassja Kinski plays a woman from an aristocratic family who joins the patriots while Donald Sutherland is on hand as an officer in the British Army.
"Revolution" (1985) was made by the acclaimed director of "Chariots of Fire" and "Greystoke," but the film flopped at the box office and was nominated for four Razzies. Is it THAT bad? No. It does a good job of taking the viewer into the midst of the Revolutionary War as a foot soldier or worker with the use of handheld cameras. The situation isn't fun; it's chaotic, life-threatening, dirty, grisly and full of hardships. The Continentals are a ragtag group of Americans suffering privations while the Redcoats are a disciplined, well-supplied army with degenerate officers. Speaking of which, the Brits aren't painted in a positive light.
While the film isn't as effective as "The Patriot," especially in regard to character development, it makes for a worthwhile companion piece since it involves the northern theater of the war and the other the Carolina theater. On the downside, the English and Norwegian locations are sometimes a questionable substitution for New York, Pennsylvania and coastal Virginia, especially the mountains of Norway (standing in for northern New York and the Saint Lawarence River region, I think), but at least they're picturesque and the sequences don't last long.
The scene where Daisy leaves the fort at Valley Forge and is attacked by a British detachment on horseback is awkwardly executed but, hey, it's a movie, not a documentary. I was inspired to look-up the real history.
The movie runs 2 hour, 6 minutes, but there's a Director's Cut from 2009 that's 10 minutes shorter and features narration by Pacino. It was largely filmed in southern England, as follows: The old dock area of King's Lynn, Norfolk, as well as near Thetford, Norfolk, and Melton Constable Hall. The main battle sequences were shot at Burrator Reservoir on Dartmoor in Devon and on the coastal cliff top near Challaborough Bay, South Devon, which is where the wooden fort was built. The scenic scenes where Dobb is with the Huron were shot in Norway.
GRADE: B-
13th Child (2002)
Spooky flick about the Jersey Devil lurking in the desolate Pine Barrens
Just before Halloween, a special investigator (Michelle Maryk) is sent to the Pine Barrens north of Atlantic City to look into the possible death of an escaped convict and whether or not it had anything to do with the legend of the Jersey Devil. She teams-up with a ranger and a NYPD officer (Christopher Atkins and Gano Grills) as they focus on a misanthropic recluse, who lives in a remote estate that was built in 1760 (Cliff Robertson).
"13th Child" (2002), subtitled "Legend of the Jersey Devil," is a creature feature about New Jersey's notorious cryptid. Lesley-Anne Down has a bit part at the beginning as a District-Attorney and Robert Guillaume ("Benson") has a bigger role as a patient at an asylum, but the story is focused on the four principles noted above.
In its favor, it was actually shot in the Pine Barrens and works up some genuine spookiness with regular shots of the mysterious woods, an asylum, tarantulas, a taloned black hand, a hoof leg, horns, grisly body parts and so forth. There's the usual sequence of frivolous youths interested in a tryst with Robyn Parsons (Bobbie) a highlight. The best part is Cliff Robertson's offbeat misanthrope, who's an interesting character. Robertson, incidentally, cowrote the script with Michael Maryk, who was also the executive producer and obviously related to the blonde protagonist.
Speaking of whom, Michelle Maryk as Kathryn is serviceable but, seeing as how the entire story revolves around her investigation, a more well-known, formidable actress would've been preferable. ScarJo was only 17 years-old when this was shot, so she was out of the picture; but someone of her later caliber would've been effective for the role. As it is, this was Michelle's first feature film, a major role at that, and she was never able to acquire much success in the biz.
Some parts drag too much, so the story needed tightened up, but I appreciated the creepy tone and milieu. The creators weren't in a hurry, which should be commended. As with "Jaws," the monster isn't revealed until the end. Up till then, its depictions are dark, stylized and fragmentary. The art director was obviously inspired by "Alien." Some people don't like what he came up with or, at least, its execution, but at least it's not CGI.
The reason the movie's called "13th Child" is because of the popular origin of the creature revolving around Mother Leeds becoming pregnant with her 13th child in the 1700s and putting a curse on it. Scriptwriters Michael Maryk and Robertson add the twist of the 13th child being a Lenni Lenape, named Matongwa, and the creation of the Jersey Devil had something to do with mistreatment of the Indians by the British.
The later "Mothman" (2010) was obviously influenced by it.
The flick runs 1 hour, 39 minutes, and was shot in Batsto Village and the corresponding Wharton State Forest, which are located between Port Republic and Hammonton, two other places used in filming; all of these areas are a 35-50 minutes-drive north or northwest of Atlantic City.
GRADE: B-
Reed's Point (2022)
A centuries-old feud is going on in the Pine Barrens, along with... the Jersey Devil
A year after a teen (Madison Ekstrand) goes missing deep in the wilds of southern New Jersey, her cousin and beau, both journalistic college students (Sasha Anne and Evan Adams), hire a guide (Anthony Jensen) to search the area and find out the truth. The problem is, ongoing legends suggest that the notorious Jersey Devil dwells there.
"Reed's Point" (2022) is a low-budget Indie about the malevolent cryptid, but thankfully had a little more money to work with compared to the $5000 of "Leeds Point" from 14 years earlier. The story here is more compelling than "Carny," another Jersey Devil flick from 2009 featuring Lou Diamond Phillips, but the actors aren't as good. The only other Jersey Devil flick I've seen is "Dark Haul" from 2014, which isn't a conventional take on the topic and is great by comparison; very entertaining.
Leeds Point, New Jersey, is located a mere 13.2 miles north of Atlantic City and this is where the legend of the creature originated. So why is the movie called "Reed's Point" and not "Leeds Point"? Because there's already a micro-budget Indie by that name and, secondly, the events in this film take place deeper in the Pine Barrens where it's wilderness as opposed to the unincorporated town of Leeds Point. Obviously, the producers wanted a name that brought to mind Leeds Point, hence "Reed's Point."
Redhead Madison Ekstrand is a highlight and the script is interesting enough, but the middle portion gets dull and the acting is only serviceable (although I've seen way worse). Where the flick really goes wrong is the padding of the runtime at the very end, which wasn't necessary. They should've ended it after a certain revelation. Less is more. As it is, the closing scene in the cop car is just so illogical and eye-rolling it virtually ruins a decent spare change-budget creature feature.
The movie runs 1 hour, 17 minutes, and was shot in Los Angeles with second unit work done in New Jersey.
GRADE: C/C-