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Barbarian (2022)
A Ho Hum Film Marred By Poor Performances and Choices
I went into Barbarian hoping for the best because, at then the time of this writing, it had a rating of 7.0. What were its disappointments? Well, there were several.
1. Right off the bat, when you notice that lighting and thunder occurred at precisely the same time, you can be sure the filmmakers were a little lax in the details department.
2. The woman (Halle Berry lookalike) spent the night with the stranger because one hotel said they were fully booked because of a convention. Fine, but that's just one hotel. Detroit is huge and has at least 83 hotels and probably 50 or more motels. There ain't no way they're all filled up with conventioneers Plus, she didn't even call any other places. She just took his word for it.
3. Her wide-eyed look throughout the entire film was past annoying. That could've been toned down a little.
4. How is it that two airbnb's were able to rent the house without consent was never explained.
5. Of course, there was the typical horror trope of "don't go back in the house!" but ignoring the warning and doing it anyway.
Maybe I'm jaded and have seen more than my share of horror. Barbarian doesn't rank up as among the best I've seen, unfortunately.
Bajo la Rosa (2017)
Way Better Than I Thought
I wasn't expecting much from Bajo la Rosa as, at the time I saw it, it was only rated 6.3 on IMDb. Was it an intense film? Yep. Everyone played their parts with great ferocity. Even though the film and pacing were stagey in parts, it still held my interest.
I gotta admit, though, that there was some predictability to the outcome of Bajo la Rosa. If you've seen enough films, it practically telegraphed where it was headed.
That said, what kept the movie from being a run of the mill kidnap film were the trials and tribulations of the family whose child was kidnapped. Plus, the antagonist was devilishly wicked. Recommended.
Cat Sick Blues (2015)
Worst. Trash. Ever
Don't believe all the glowing reviews here on IMDb. They were written by those involved in the creation of this "film." It's simply amazing how bad this movie is. I'd only watched it because it was recommended on Reddit as a disturbing flick to see. Supposedly, it was akin to films like À l'intérieur, Irreversible, Calvaire, Haute Tension, Frontier(s), etc.
The problem with Cat Sick Blues is it's tainted with horrible acting, horrible music, horrible dialog, horrible special effects, ridiculous decisions made by the actors, etc. Even the cinematography was weak with poor framing of the actors here and there. I wish I could get the time I spent on this rubbish back. Oh well. As they say: They can't all be gems.
The Omen (1976)
If This Exact Movie Was Being Written Today, The Story Wouldn't Hold Up
Make no mistake - The Omen is, by all accounts, a classical horror film. Not as graphic as, say, Carrie, but nevertheless, packs its own punches anyway.
The reason I made the comment about the story is because of all the plot holes the director or studio allowed to keep the film moving merrily along. To wit:
1. The new nanny. When the ambassador and his wife learn that neither of them hired her, they confront her. She simply removes an envelope of papers and hands that to them as proof. They never call the nanny agency (Nannies 'R Us?) or verify her papers. Surely, as important as they are, they'd exercise way more caution than going with her word.
2. That insufferable dog of hers. The ambassador tells her to get rid of it. She says, "Yeah. In the morning." ??? How ball-less do you have to be to not say, "The dog's leaving now!" and throw it out?
There were a few other minor plot holes that were irritating, but I get it: the show must go on.
The First Omen (2024)
Better Than I'd Thought.
The First Omen took me by surprise. Knowing nothing about the story, actors, production, etc., I went in completely blind, watching it only because it was an "Omen" film. It was well worth the excursion, though, and I thought it delivered on its promise of being a worthwhile entry in the series.
It'd been years since I'd seen original The Omen, Damien Omen II, etc., so the entire canon wasn't exactly fresh in my mind. But that didn't matter - the core elements regarding the Antichrist (pentagrams, prophesies, etc.) were on full display. And, yes, like similar films with this subject matter, many of those common boxes were checked off complete with the occasional jump scare.
So, is The First Omen worthy viewing in the Antichrist films sweepstakes? Yep. Hollywood, it seems, never tired of films with these themes, and for good reason - they're entertaining.
Tore tanzt (2013)
Not the Film I Thought It Was Purported to Be
Maybe I was looking for something horrific along the lines of, say, Martyrs or A Serbian Film. After all, that's what I'd gleaned from the occasional reviews on reddit and elsewhere. What the film, though, is slow. Achingly slow.
The acting is strong throughout and the writing itself wasn't that bad but could've definitely benefited from some editing. Maybe there an uncut version somewhere? Probably doesn't matter. A second viewing is unwarranted and needless, anyway.
I do feel bad for the main character who was blinded by his undying faith. Why was he homeless to begin with? It doesn't say. I don't, and can't, fault him for his belief; it is what it is. I just wish he'd had the sense to make a better choice.
Grave (2016)
Rated 'U' For Unwatchable.
If you're a dedicated fan of the subversive, ultra-violent cinema of Marion Dora, Lucifer Valentine, Jorg. Buttgereit and the guy who made 'A Serbian Film,' then 'RAW' ticks all the boxes. A date night movie this is not. In all fairness, 'RAW' comes across more as a psychological nightmare than a horror film, that is, a near-microscopic view into the hidden world of VERY unusual human beings. This is probably the kind of flick 'Silence Of The Lambs' was hinting to. Here, though, that craziness is in full view for everyone to squirm to. Enjoy...if you have the stomach.
Prey (2021)
Very Disappointing
I'm not going to detail any spoilers here, but suffice it to say, what "Prey" basically had going for it was the scenery, cinematography, and acting. It wasn't all bad. But the story! Oy! What a let down. Definitely lacking in that department, like an amateur filmmaker who was otherwise preoccupied elsewhere instead of fully crafting this film. And, oh yeah, you've seen "Prey" many times before. Again, the filmmakers didn't have one original bone in their bodies. Just get out there, throw together a quick 90 minute flick, sell the rights to Netflix, and sail off into the sunset with a wad of cash in tow. I guess the strategy worked.
A Classic Horror Story (2021)
Midsommar...Italian Style and Just As Bad
I ventured forthwith into "A Classic Horror Story" knowing only one thing - it's a horror movie. I didn't read about it, saw any previews or checked it's rating. In essence, a completely blind viewing. As it unfolds, you start sensing a touch of "The Wicker Man." As it unfolded, though, it sunk right into dreadful "Midsommar" territory - unoriginal plotting, ovedone sobbing, predictable outcomes, etc. Everything on display had been seen before, including the incredibly stupid mistakes the characters made. The good news? It clocked in at a relatively brisk 90 minutes. It was also a good cure for insomnia, so there's that.
Sorjonen (2016)
Watchable...But Uneven And Unrealistic
I enjoyed "Sorjonen," but then again, I'm a sucker for Scandi/Nordic Noir, so sue me. This series lacks the bluish-greyish moody tinge of many other noirs, opting instead for full technicolor hues; nevertheless, it had its heart in the right place. "Bordertown" is so well-filmed that the series felt almost like a Rick Steves travelogue - you can practically smell the scents of their local dishes like.ruisleipä (rye bread) or.lihapullat (Finnish meatballs). As detective fiction goes, "Sorjonen" most hit the mark. Mostly. My two peeves? 1. Kari Sorjonen's character. It's obvious that he's autistic. As a child and adult, his organizational traits are strong. Even as a bullied child, his psychologist noted he'd be unable to connect to people. Yet, there he is, an emotional feeling adult complete with a wife and kid. That part is non believable. Autistic people don't grow out of their traits, at least not to the point where they're living a wholesome family life. There's a reason why the suicide rate is extremely high with this population, and i should know. I'm one of them. 2. I get that, as a series, they opt to have happy endings always, maybe as a way to lure American viewers. What happened, though, is that many endings had forced positive outcomes that were rushed (crammed) into the last five minutes or so. That was an annoying and unrealistic concept, but I suppose from a monetary point of view, necessary. Overlooking these two missteps, "Bordertown" is still valuable entertainment.
Angels with Dirty Faces (1938)
Brought To You By His Eminence, The Pope
Oy! Had I known "Angels With Dirty Faces" was gonna force open your throat and shovel religion down your maw like ipecac, I would've hauled ass to the hills. As it stands, this film is nothing more than a Public Service Announcement for the lord. Who needs Reform School when you can simply peddle this diatribe to juvenile delinquents? Yes, yes, all the actors were on point, and it was nice to get a nice glimpse into criminal life from that era, but oy! The heavy handed use of religion does leave a somewhat bitter taste. That approach never worked then and it sure as hell doesn't fly today.
Capitani (2019)
Capitani...Or Life In MAGA-Ville
Holy cow! Have you ever seen a town so full of people with deceptions and lies that you're surprised it continues to stand? I couldn't last a day in this Luxembourg hamlet. The people are beyond phony. They're simply disgusting. Still, that is the life they live, so who am I to judge? Why do I compare it to a MAGA burg? The truth is out there. It's as easy to find as air, but they choose to lie about almost everything to perpetrate some kind of fake perfection amongst themselves. They wholeheartedly reject reality in favor of protecting and continuing their insignificant lives while, at the same time, reeking of insecurity. No wonder the kids are hooked on drugs. I would be, too, if I was forced to live there. My rant aside, "Capitani" is worthy viewing. It's an interesting crime mystery told in a colorful, albeit depressing, fashion. Besides really good acting, dialog and serviceable pacing, the cinematography of the Luxembourg countryside and forest is worth the price of admission alone.
Tabula Rasa (2017)
Minor Structural Flaws Don't Lessen The Experience
To be fair, movies which incorporate (seemingly endless) time jumps could sometimes not only be hard to follow but structurally deficient as well. Thankfully, "Tabula Rasa" ("Blind Slate") had all their ducks in a row. Obviously, a ton of plotting went into making this mystery series, As Nordic Noir goes (if it truly fits into that category), "Tabula Rasa" sits head and shoulders above similar titles, fitting right up there with other excellent series like"Bordertown," "Depart Q", etc. Cinematography was to die for as was the general acting. Some reviewers complained about pacing issues. I didn't mind the long drags, though. That seems to be part and parcel of Nordic Noir anyway, you know, allowing the viewer enough time to absorb the lush scenery, as it were.
It Follows (2014)
Not Recommended For Anyone Over 12 Years Old.
This so-called horror film had very little going for it. Nice cinematography of suburbia, maybe, but that's about it. The acting was pathetic, the cheesy 80's off-key synth music was annoying, the snail pacing was snore inducing, and the absolutely non-believable actions by the stupid teens was embarrassing. I stayed with this film despite the ridiculous premise because I was bored and it was streaming free (with commercials) on ROKU.
Key Largo (1948)
One Of The Better Ones
From a historical point of view, it was nice to see Jay Silverheels (albeit in a very small role) on screen outside of Lone Ranger. Also, I had no idea that Simon Bar Sinister, the mad scientist from Underdog, had his voice spoken by an actor who mimicked Lionel Barrymore's slow drawl. Those elements aside, "Key Largo" stands head and shoulders above other film noirs. The acting was superb...for the most part. The direction never dragged. The writing was also top notch. And with so many screen legends gathered in one place, how could they miss? Highly recommended.
Books of Blood (2020)
This 'Un Took Me By Surprise
Going into "Books of Blood", I only knew two (2) things - 1. It was a horror movie, and 2. Someone in it had misophonia. As a person who suffers from misophonia myself, I thought I'd give a looksee to "Books of Blood" and hoped they got the condition right. They did. I also must say they constructed the triple storyline very well, too. I had no idea this was a Clive Barker outing till the end credits rolled. I didn't recognize one single person who starred in the film, but then again, I'm not exactly one to stay in the loop these days as TV shows and movies and come go without me having a clue who's a star. That said, I thought the general acting was fine as was the plot. The movie wasn't boring, either. It clipped along at a nice place. I recommend this title as it's not a waste of time.
Nightmare Alley (1947)
Religious Propaganda Film...Nothing More
Sigh. Hollywood really had me fooled with this one. There I was, naive old me, expecting a nice healthy slice of film noir only to be served a heaping pile of religious dogma. To be fair, the acting wasn't that bad. I did appreciate the inside look of the traveling carnival as also displayed in "Freaks" and several other noir films. What I wasn't expecting was the heavy handed call to prayer that was "Nightmare Alley." This piece of fluff could probably have been written by the Pope or the Church of Jesus Christ the Latter Day Saints the Mormons, or any Amish preacher. Sigh. After the conclusion of this review, I'll scour the internet for a "forgetfulness" pill 💊. I hope they exist.
In a Lonely Place (1950)
Hey Bogart, Angry Much?
Oh boy. Now here's someone in desperate need of anger management. Someday, or maybe a psychiatrist already has, a mental health professional will label Angry Boy as having Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or whatever new disorders they come up with every year. And that poor bride-to-be. She reminds me of countless naive/desperate women who put up with abusive partners because, to them, being alone is analogous to being a failure, then they try to convince themselves that "oh, he is just misunderstood" or "oh, love will cure him" while doctors are stitching the gaping new wounds in their bodies. Pathetic. Good movie, BTW. Recommended.
Funny Games (1997)
Not Sure What All The Hubbub Is About
Like many others, I'd read that "Funny Games" was a violent, eye-searing bit of subversive cinema. It wasn't. The "violence" was only suggested, so visually, "Funny Games" came up short on delivery. You'll actually see more violence in any "Tom & Jerry' cartoon. What the film did have going for it was the acting and, to a certain extent, the plot and cinematography. Otherwise, there wasn't much to it. Hanneke's later remake was just as tepid.
Antichrist (2009)
"Most SHocking?" I Don't Think So
Without a doubt, "Antichrist" has a few, very brief, scenes (or shots) that, were they exorcised from the film, would leave behind an uninteresting bit of cinema. That said, it does require a a bit of balls to produce a movie like this, so kudos to the players. In the end, though, "Antichrist" is unremarkable, to me, anyway. I forgot about it a few hours later. Contrast this with "A Serbian Film", "Irreversible", "Cannibal" which are still etched in my memory years after viewing.
9 Songs (2004)
Eh...Save Your Money.
I'll be brief. The indie music was lousy and the explicit sex scenes were uninteresting. To be fair, I obtained this film solely for the sex scenes and could care less about the boring bands and their insipid music. So, given that the music was uninspired, the sex scenes irrelevant, and the "plot" non-existent, "9 Songs" doesn't merit viewing by anybody.
Baise-moi (2000)
Head Trip Of A Film
I saw "Baise-moi" during my French New Wave of Horror tour which also featured titles like "À l'intérieur", "Haute Tension", "Irreversible", "Martyrs", "Calvaire", "Melancholie der Engel" and several others. Generally speaking, films like those are hard to take. In fact, I wouldn't recommend these kinds of flicks, including those by Marion Dora. Jörg Buttgereit, Lucifer Valentine, and others in that vein, unless you have a strong stomach. Production-wise, "Baise-moi" sits between "Haute Tension" and "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls," and I suppose that grittiness was deliberate. Because the cinematography and lighting was so-so, its grim effect was greatly reduced as opposed to, say, the overt brutality of "Irreversible." To be fair, "Baise-moi" isn't really a good film, just something to check out if you're in the mood for some subversive bit of celluloid.
Seul contre tous (1998)
Hah! You Don't Scare Me!
Seriously, though. How is it films like "I Stand Alone", "Baise Moi", "Man Bites Dog", "War of the Roses", "A Serbian Film" and several others are often labelled black comedies? Perhaps I was born without a funny bone, but I've often found nothing in them to laugh about. Then again, I may be completely missing the point of what black comedy actually means. That said, "I Stand Alone" comes across to me as a psychology class exercise, a visual study of a man unraveling at the edges of sanity. Certainly nothing to laugh at, but interesting to view, nevertheless.
Ace in the Hole (1951)
It's Nice When Hollywood Gets It Right
For the past few months or so, the majority of the films I've seen I've rated seven (7) or less. Every so often, though, it's nice to come across one that's worth its price of admission. "Ace In The Hole" qualifies. I found no fault with the story, cinematography, acting, pacing, or outcome. In fact, quite a lot of work, trouble and effort went into its production. It's kinda funny how Kirk Douglas looks so much like his son Michael - or maybe I got that backwards. It's also interesting how this film lets lumped in with other film noirs given there is no mysterious death for a detective to solve or femme fatale for him to get involved with romantically. In any case, "Ace In The Hole" is recommended if only for a glimpse into early 50's Indian southwest relations.
The Blue Dahlia (1946)
Too Many Implausible Elements On Tap
I really wanted to like "The Blue Dahlia" given that one of my favourite films, "L. A. Confidential," portrays a female who bears a strong resemblance and affinity to one of the film's stars, Veronica Lake. As film noir goes, "The Blue Dahlia" pretty much got all the elements right - high-contrast black & white cinematography, a femme fatale, dirty rotten scoundrels, plot twists, etc. The problems? There were just too many non-believable parts that ruined an otherwise worthwhile experience.
1. When Johnny Morrison learned of his wife's murder, he hauls ass. Why? It made no sense that he didn't just go to the police in the first place.
2. It was way too convenient and coincidental that Johnny just so happened to be picked up in the street by Mr. Harwood's fleeing wife, Joyce.
3. How was it that Johnny Morrison was able to enter the police station's interrogation office with a gun drawn and none of the officers do anything about that?
4. How was Johnny Morrison even allowed to interrogate anyone given he's a fugitive and not a law officer?
5. How is it that Johnny Morrison was even allowed to have his friend shoot a match "on" in the interrogation room? Who's gonna pay for the bullet hole in the wall?
6. Why did "Dad" suddenly, and conveniently, confess to killing Johnny Morrison's wife when he was clearly getting off Scott free? I'm guessing that was because the film was at its end and it HAD to conclude on someone getting arrested? Sigh. I wouldn't mind seeing a remake, or at least a rewrite, of "The Blue Dahlia." Chances are, Hollywood still wouldn't get that right, either.