A bit like heading this article up with the word "interesting" or "important."

I always thought that the reason for writing things like:

POLITE NOTICE - No Parking

is that is is easily misread for:

POLICE NOTICE - No Parking

and so the potential parkers would move on, which is all the person putting the sign up wanted in the first place.

I think 'Polite Notice' was first used because it looked a bit like 'Police Notice', and was intended to give a bit of fake authority to some nimby complaint about balls, parking or bicycles against windows.

The signs that always make me chuckle are the 'thank you for driving carefully' as you leave a town or village. Presumably, if the wreckage of your car is still capable of rolling far enough to see this sign, then the residents are relatively happy with the way you negotiated your way through their road system?

Funny as ever but the biggest laugh for me was the advert at the end for the goods that are available "at your local Boots". Kudos to whoever chose that ad.

Oh, SpursSupporter beat me to it...

I do like:

"Children: Drive Carefully" as you enter a village. Adults, we trust your reactions, go like the clappers if you like.

David Mitchell takes 3 and a half minutes to explain why he's annoyed by a notice having a two or three too many words on.

The irony is delicious.

Sorry David. This one was a complete waste of 3:45 of my time, and perhaps 30 minutes of yours.

More fun to look at this wonderful collection of passive aggressive notes. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Hilarious look at what passes for terse and polite notes that mark territory, food and toilet paper.

A bit like saying "no offence but ..." as a preliminary to being offensive.

Bigger fish please David.

That reminds me. I must curtail my habit of saying "With respect..." before dispensing vitriol.

hardatwork

Now you've just wasted a minute more.

Bugger. And again.

Er, David, it's because from a distance people think it says POLICE NOTICE! That's why the 't' is sometimes designed to look like a 'c'.

Duh....

I'm guessing the "Bulldog - now available at your local Boots" ad was put in as a reference to the local Boots rant but it wouldn't suprise me if that was a total coincidence...

Yes I am an incurable cynic

Stop whinging internet nerds.

It's a light hearted video. We're you expecting anything else when you clicked on the link?

Jeezus H Christ.

My two current favourite signs read:

1. This sign is not in use.
2. This door is alarmed.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised every time I see them, but I pretty much always am.

Stop whinging internet nerds.
It's a light hearted video. We're you expecting anything else when you clicked on the link?

Well, something vaguely amusing would have been nice.
Sorry to have offended you though.

Jeez man, what next ?

A factual description of the contents of your last shopping basket ?

Actually I'd literally be more interested in that.

I really wish you still lived in that flat with that funny bloke who wanted to be a musician. How we laughed.

My favourite sign was displayed on a building site.

"In the event of a fire, shout 'fire' and leave the building"

FENNIMORE !!

Actually I'd literally be more interested in that.

So you would literally be more interested in the shopping basket?

What a peculiar image.

"Polite notice" in my experience is the equivalent to starting a sentence with "I don't want to be rude/ pry/ tell you what to do/ offend/ interfere"...

It basically means that you know you're about to do the exact opposite but are trying to cover your arse so that when people get pissed you can "but I said it was only a polite notice"

"Polite Notice" = 'listen you cocksuckers if you don't do what this notice says I'm coming round your house to pull your scrotum out through your eyeballs'!
I though eveyrone new that.

I'm always impressed by how long you stand looking at a sign on a garage door that declares "This garage is in constant use", without ever seeing so much as a moment of action, let of the constant excitement promised

Cranston53
2 Sep 2010, 3:49PM

Actually I'd literally be more interested in that.

So you would literally be more interested in the shopping basket?

What a peculiar image.

Shopping baskets give away a lot about people. I often sneer at people's middlebrow selection before giving them a smarmy eyebrow raise.

The 'polite notice' thing get's my goat too. I think the people who say it's meant to fool you into thinking it read 'police notice' are wrong, it's meant to fool you into thinking that it's polite. Instead of informing me that you're going to be polite, and then not being, why not just be polite? If you don't want me to lock my bike to your railing don't write 'polite notice, any bikes locked to this railing will be removed', try 'Please do not lock your bike to this railing, there's a bike rack 20 metres down the road and it's overlooked by a CCTV camera. Thanks'.

It's the 'your' I object to. 'Your local Boots' is bad enough but at least it contains some vague reference to something that might actually be mine, i.e. my locality. But what about 'Your M&S'? In what sense is M&S mine? Am I a shareholder? Do I own the freehold on any of their stores? Am I related to, or even friends with, anyone who does? No. It's just pure marketing shite, trying to create some spurious emotional attachment in a situation where any such attachment is by definition impossible.

And while we're talking about the misuse of pronouns, what about the 'I' in recorded station announcements, as in "I am very sorry for the delay". What does that mean? That a voiceover artist is sorry the train's late? No! There is no 'I'! There is no feeling sorry! There is no human agency involved at any level! Again, it's just meaningless drivel dreamt up by some brain-dead marketing consultant as a substitute for, you know, any kind of actual relationship.

A polite notice at the beginning of each of each Guardian movie would be nice, warning us of a shower of shit adverts book-ending it. "Warning: Shit adverts". That'll do nicely.

One notice I always misread is 'shopfitters working' - I think 'why doesn't somebody call the police, they're being so blatant !'

Or 'shoplifters will be prosecuted'. I think 'but they're just putting in a few extra shelves?'

I wander if there would be entertaining if David took Diazepam.

blakelast
2 Sep 2010, 5:17PM

I wander if there would be entertaining if David took Diazepam.

I move around without purpose or direction if there would be entertaining if David took Diazepam?????

Maybe I'm thick, I don't understand.

{mind you, wander/wonder gag apart, I still don't understand. Is there anyone on your planet who speaks English?}

No obviously not.
I made an error because I had to type it twice, as the first time I got an error message.
Well done.
It should of read, I wonder if this would be entertaining if David took Diazepam.
Not before he has written this sketch, but just before he presents it.

Blakelast:

"It should of read ... "

NO, you illiterate moron - it should HAVE read !!!

We have a winner!!!! Congratulations!....Well done Prego, you are today's pedant of the week !!

@Prego

NO, you illiterate moron - it should HAVE read !!!

NO you illiterate moron - it's should HAVE read !!!

@kidloco - surely you mean this week's pedant of the day.

@skylarking - try re-reading it.

I doesn't really matter what you're talking about, David. I just like the way you express yourself.

......and the crown is taken by Rotwatcher.

David Mitchell, even when he overtly delves into reliable character but uses his own material, isn't funny. Weak and bogus.

Not one of his best Soapboxes, but the thing I like most about David Mitchell (other than his voice), is the conviction with which he gets irritated about petty and, ultimately, meaningless things. Let's face it, who doesn't?

I feel pretty strongly about signs - especially folk who work in the public services who think they can boss people about because they have a laminator and some blu-tack
I one got into awful trouble at work for declining to display a sign that said, and I paraphrase, "This hospital will not tolerate violence and aggression against it's staff" . I am sorry but do people seriously think they mistakenly arrived at a hospital where violence & aggression is tolerated? . All it did was piss off the people (the vast majority not violent and/or aggressive) by stating that they were the sort who might kick off at any moment. As for the folk who were violent /aggressive the thought process of "I'm going to thump that nurse/doctor - ooh no - look a sign telling me not to" was never going to happen.
My expectation from 'management' was some funds to train my staff to a) piss off the patients less and b) learn how to diffuse situations when ill /drunk/anxious people find it difficult to communicate with staff & want to thump them.
Perhaps a sign is cheaper...

@ Rotwatcher

@skylarking - try re-reading it.

Did you leave your sense of humour in bed? I was trying to be pedantic to the grammar gestapo foaming at the mouth over an error another poster made. I deliberately selected only part of his quote so I could jokingly refer to a non-existent error for comic effect.

And of course 'Police Accident', I always knew they were accident prone, but to draw attention to it!

Well said, Holofernes!

I feel the same way about "My Documents", "My Computer", etc. Why not just "Documents", "Music", "Pictures"? It's like "My Little Pony" for grown-ups...

Also with "We are very sorry for the delay to this service" (read in a stern voice). When I hear this, I can see in my mind's eye someone in the station office pressing the button that plays that recording over the p.a. system. It should come with a disclaimer: "No sorriness was felt by anyone in the production of this message."
I've also noticed that this recording is always immediately followed by the one that scolds you in advance for leaving unattended bags on the platform. this is obviously to keep us customers from getting above ourselves - I use trains quite a bit, and I never ever ever see unattended bags anywhere, although the warning is played about every 2 minutes. Everybody knows that if you walk away from your bag, someone will nick it.

My personal favourite is the '!' sign. No info, just a '!'. What am I meant to do with that?

what exactly is his appeal ?

I think the idea behind, for instance, 'Polite notice, private property, no parking' is that quite a high proportion of the sort of morons who park their 4x4's in front of your driveway will mistake the word 'polite' for 'police'. A t-shirt reading 'polite notice, don't hit me' might also work.

frequently seen sign in my neck of the woods, courtesy of the tahn cahncil:

POZO
lo estamos tapando

POTHOLE
we are filling it

by magic, apparently, as there's never any sign of anyone doing any tapando