slightly patronising

Go out in Southend. I regularly forget what I was saying and still end up with someone in the sack...

@christostoichkov

Very funny. I don't personally find this an amusing topic. It is a very human topic and we need to consider that this is a modern society - what goes for behaviour amongst the young these days would be like back in Roman times for a guy of 64.

I'm not at all surprised that Ms Pamela mentions 'nervous and insecure'. That's what the whole period of courtship was like in his time - nervous and insecure!
Getting older doesn't necessarily allow one to change one's early 'courtship conditioning' even in the face of what looks like a decline in moral standards.

In his place and with the given difficulty I would first want to explore the most advanced treatments currently available. Secondly, I'd investigate to see if there's an outreach group of some kind in your local area. Third, if there isn't (quite possible) consider starting one yourself. Who knows you might even get some government funding! (Yes I know this is much less likely now that those nice Labour peeps are no longer pulling the levers)

Being an Aspie I can only hope I have not made some unfortunate booboob in my comments and get modded or flamed off the face of the earth.

There's no use pretending this is going to be easy.

I would imagine that many women would be afraid of any possibility of a relationship with you because they fear becoming tied down as long term carers.

I would suggest that there are three categories of women on whom you should focus your efforts. Those who are only after a bit of short term fun - in which case you should make it clear from the start that this is all you are after. And those who are already committed to you as friends who may also be potential partners.

The third category is, of course, sex workers but it seems to me that the current legal and moral climate in Britain could make this option problematic.

How about (if in possession of a hyperinflated pile of b&m) selling up everything, making suitable financial arrangements, and going on a RTW cruise?
Then just take it from there . . .

@novelist,

I reckon my idea was easier to be honest.

A pile of b & m, going on a RTW cruise and tift? The man's got an incurable disease for chrissakes and will need every penny he can muster, especially now that those nice Labour peeps are no longer pulling the levers. If all he needs is an occasional shag, I suggest a weekend in Amsterdam once a month. Or is that morally reprehensible?

novelist - speaking as a fellow (or sister) Aspie - never mind him, what about our problems finding dates! I think he has very similar problems to some of us . And I have found that the "sense of humour" thing doesn't work too well when it comes to getting a man - especially when you have to give detailed explanations about how the joke works in reference to your own overriding obsession. And many men, I find, simply do not want to have long conversations about cruxes in Hamlet.

Pam's advice was sensitive this week, I thought. Amsterdam would get steadily more confusing, although I am sure lots of sex tourists are demented old geezers.

Loneliness is at the core of his problem and finding and making love is a separate issue

to finding and making nursing/home care arrangements for the future

but naturally most potential partners will see ahead to the "I need sex and now will you be nursie" dynamic, and run a mile.

He doesn't mention friends or children but you can bet that, if he does, his loneliness is an issue he could enlist their support discussing, and they will want reassurance he isn't going to make a fool of himself. Also they will know a gold-digger if they see one.

A professional, ethical masseur would be a great comfort meanwhile.

ok, let's break it down. You want sex and nothing else, right? Then listen to Scruffyduffy and go pay for it. Some might consider it morally reprehensible but that's a matter of opinion.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

dollarjojo

The man wants a sexual partner, not a series of shags. Let's be intelligent and sensitive about this.

Let's be intelligent and sensitive about this.

You must be new around here.

Don't presume that all women just want an invulnerable he-man as a partner!!!
True, your disability will put some people off - there is no hiding from that.
However, none of us is perfect, and a lot of us know it and are prepared to take a chance.

I would suggest a combination of Pamela's and Novelist's advice, but not so ambitious.
Perhaps not selling up everything and going on a world cruise, but really branching out - do a load of stuff you just hadn't thought of before...
Go on a stone carving weekend - walk Hadrian's wall - Go to Rome, India, Africa - learn hedge-laying. I don't know - you'll come up with something!
Get in touch with your creative side, your daring side! It will develop you as a person, put you in touch with people and could be a lot of fun.
Bereavement is isolating and so is illness/disability - put yourself out there, try something new and unknown - maybe you'll get lucky, maybe not, but you should have fun trying!

Forget the sex for a minute, this chap is going to be very vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation, isn't he? If I were him I would get a Lasting Power of Attorney now, for financial and personal protection in future.

Dear Pamela,
I'm 62. I don't have Alzheimers and I'm not getting enough either.
What do you recommend? p.s. I have gout in my right hand.

@ Pamela
A sense of humour is all very well until you start forgetting the punchlines of your jokes.

@ bobinspain
Use your left hand.

Anyone see Lars von Trier's The Idiots?

It's the perfect roadmap for Alzheimer's, um, victims(?) to get their end away.

And it's a very funny film, one of my favourite comedies.

Be honest about the illness. Keep a sense of humour... about that and other things! Make it clear that you're not after a long-term live-in partner-carer (perhaps mentioning how much you enjoy the independence of living alone, or something that will not scare off potential sexual partners).

serotoninlevels.

* * * * * * * * * * Serious point alert * * * * * * * * *

Alzheimers must be about the second worst thing that could happen to a person. The worst would be to get Alzheimers and lose your sense of humour. The best bit of a sense of humour is laughing at yourself and your condition.

@ Pamela

Women do not respond to linear conversation alone, many love other qualities such as fun and playfulness. These often rate higher than an ability to be logical.

Are you saying that women can act and react in a way that men find illogical? Isn't that, kind of, stereotypically sexist?

A little bit?

bornblue

Yes, the uniform is Yosarian's from Catch 22. Now that was funny.

I am ambivalent with regard to Catch 22.

@redcollar

"Are you saying that women can act and react in a way that men find illogical? Isn't that, kind of, stereotypically sexist?"

No she says that women prefer a sense of humour over being able to reason your way through life. Which is true in my experience.

discobedient

No she says that women prefer a sense of humour over being able to reason your way through life. Which is true in my experience

.
I hate this kind of crap. Like it's not possible to have a sense of humour and reason your way through life? Apologies if this is offensively reasonable.

Couldn't Pammy put this dude in touch that guy who was on here a couple of weeks ago, getting loads at the age of 91 with chicks 25 years his junior? He might be able to give him a few tips.

Apologies if this sounds insensitive but as ever, I don't believe a word of this letter.

if you join an Alzheimer's suport group you could find a support group and maybe someone who is looking for what you are

you can also register on dating sites and specify you want friendhip and some fun / intimacy - loads of people are looking for friends they can be intimate with - this will bypass the problem of a woman thinking they'll need to be a carer

Finally, if it is just sexual you can visit / hire an escort...

Yes, like caramel10 I was thinking of dating sites too.
Perhaps you could desist from disclosing that you have Alzeimers on your profile.

On a first date, you could casually mention that you may have Alzeimers considering how you keep forgetting things.
A casual relationship does not merit full disclosure of what is, after all, a very personal matter.

If you do meet someone you would like to see more often, that would be the time to let her know.

I wish you the very best.