Good afternoon everybody. Welcome to guardian.co.uk/sport's rolling report on Stage 16 of this year's Tour de France, covering the 199.5km of Pyrenn ... Pyrekne ... Pyrann ... extremely mountainous terrain from Bagnères-de-Luchon to Pau.
According to our interactive report, today's stage boasts "two massive climbs, the Tourmalet and the Aubisque, but after the latter it's 70km downhill to the finish. So the likely scenario is a long-range escape including second-string climbers going for the stage win while the handful of riders left in the overall hunt bide their time."
This 70km downhill finish has attracted some criticism from particpants and cycling fans alike, prompting Tour organisers to defend themselves in a rebuttal posted on their website under the headline "The same sequence as for Mr Merckx" (Eddie, the cyclist, as opposed to football's Rio "Mr Merks" Ferdinand).
"We have been criticised because the Tourmalet pass (where the Jacques-Goddet memorial trophy will be awarded at the summit) is apparently too far from the finishing line," they said. "Some say that it will not bring anything to how the race develops. The only thing is neither Pau nor the Col du Tourmalet have changed place, and everything depends on the race.
"The riders will have to tackle Peyresourde from the start, Aspin, Tourmalet and Aubisque. Admittedly, the Aubisque pass is 60 kilometres from the finishing line, but it is followed by 30 kilometres of descent before getting to grips with the valley bottom. It is the same route (except that the stage finish was in Mourenx) as in 1969 when Eddy Merckx was victorious after a 180-kilometre breakaway. We wanted to make this stage a little tribute to him."
There has been no need for excuse-making as far as Thursday's route is concerned. Following tomorrow's much-needed rest day, the peloton will make the return journey from Pau to the summit of the Tourmalet in a 174km potential race-decider that literally tens of thousands of people are calling "Stage 17".
Today's stage so far: With 150km to go, Sandy Casar (France/FDJ) has opened a 25 second gap on a breakaway group of 10 riders on the descent of the Col du Aspin, the second category one climb of the day. Anthony Chartreau (France/BBox Bouygues Telecom), Alexandre Vinokourov (Kazakhstan/Astana), Lance Armstrong (USA/Radio Shack), Bradley Wiggins (UK/Sky), Roman Kreuziger (Czech Rep/Liquigas-Doimo), Ryder Hesjedal (Canada/Garmin Transitions), Carlos Sastre (Spain/Cervelo Test Team), Rui Faria De Costa (Portugal/Caisse D'Epargne), Damiano Cunego (Italy/Lampre-Farnesse) and Eros Capecchi (Italy/Footon-Servetto). The 24-strong maillot jaune group of Alberto Contador (Spain/Astana) and Andy Schleck (Luxemburg/Saxo Bank) is a further 18 seconds behind.
12.21pm: Lance Armstrong bridges the gap between his group and Casar at the foot of the Tourmalet and gets on the Frenchman's wheel as they begin the climb. That must be just great for Casar - as if climbing the Tourmalet wasn't difficult enough, now he has to do so in the exclusive company of the most sanctimonious bully in sport.
12.28pm: Bah! A misclick of the mouse results in me losing a big clump of painstakingly assembled link-ridden text - is it going to be a bad day in the mountains for me? Lance Armstrong is certainly feeling good - there's 18 seconds to Damiano Cunego and Pierrick Fedrigo (France/BBox Bouygues Telecom), who are in hot pursuit and probably about to join him. Sandy Casar is further behind them in a three-man group with Jurgen De Walle (Germany/Quick Step) and Christophe Moreau (France/Caisse D'Epargne).
12.33pm: With 136 kilometres to go and the riders on their way up the Tourmalet, Armstrong, Cunego and Fedrigo are riding together with Armstrong making the pace, the tails of his unzipped shirt trailing in the breeze as he listens to Cunego whinging about Fedrigo not doing his bit on the front.
12.36pm: Sandy Casar, Christophe Moreau and Jurgen Van De Walle join Armstrong, Fedrigo and Cunego. They're 30 seconds clear of a three-man chase group containing nobody of import and 1min 34sec clear of the 25-strong Contador/Schleck yellow jersey group.
12.41pm: Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador weren't the only two members of the peloton who were seething at each other yesterday. Here, for anyone who is interested, is Ag2r-La Mondiale team leader Nicolas Roche's column from today's Irish Independent, which provides a fascinating and quite amusing insight into the delicate politics of team-play in Le Tour.
12.48pm: "Are you sure they're at the foot of the Tourmalet? Already?" asks a sceptical Iain McCulloch. "That's some going." Well, they're no longer at the foot of the Tourmalet, they're halfway up the bugger and all they have to look forward to afterwards is a jaunt up the Aubisque, followed by a 70km descent, a lie-in and some R&R tomorrow (R&R for cyclists = a four or five-hour training ride and media duties) and a slog up the other side of the Tourmalet on Thursday.
12.51pm: The nine stage leaders: Armstrong, Horner, Casar, Barredo, Vande Walle, Moreau, Molina Plaza, Cunego and Fedrigo are five kilometres from the summit of the Tourmalet. There are a handfull of solo climbers separating from them from the yellow jersey group which is 3min 43sec behind.
12.56pm: "It's one of the difficult climbs," says Eurosport analyst Sean Kelly with considerable understatement upon being asked what it's like to cycle up the Tourmalet. "If you're on a good day today and you're out front or in the yellow jersey group you're pretty much riding well. But if you're after taking a lot of punishment then you'll suffer. If you're hanging on with nothing left, then it's a killer of a day." As if by magic, the camera cuts to Sky's British rider Geraint Thomas, who looks to be valiantly hanging on with nothing left.
1pm: After a heroic attempt to bridge the gap between the yellow jersey group and the leaders in a bid to weasel his way into the green jersey, Thor Hushovd is pegged back.
1.06pm: With one kilometre to the summit of the Tourmalet, the 10-strong group of leaders remain 3min 25sec behind the yellow jersey bunch.
1.08pm: "Just in case anyone writes in to compliment 'a certain Texan' on being in the break and gaining some ground on the peloton we should remind ourselves that the peloton is on such a ceasefire that not only could big sprinter and notable non-climber Thor Hushovd hang with them, but he has actually just attacked them," writes my own analyst James Cavell. "Looks like the peloton might have agreed to give the old-timer a chance, but Cunego was pretty determined to get up to Lance. In last year's Giro Cunego was unlucky to experience the less savoury side of Armstrong's personality (the 'really nasty' part as opposed to the 'not nice' part) and I doubt Damiano will allow any favours. The Little Prince might well be crushing the Old Alchemist later."
1.11pm: Christophe Moreau is first over the Tourmelet, with Fedrigo second. Armstrong leads the descent.
1.12pm: The yellow jersey group hits the summit, with several riders taking sheets of newspaper from bystanders to cover their chests and prevent themselves from getting a chill on the descent. Eurosport cut to that add of that creepy Tyler Farrar advert for Transitions spectacles. I was hoping they'd stop showing that when he abandoned the Tour, but they haven't.
1.16pm: The descent of the Tourmalet is on in earnest, with the riders rushing down to the feeding station below: wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
1.17pm: Having read Nicolas Roche's column, Irishman Dave The Rave Gallagher has this to say: "First Thierry Henry, now John Gadret. These French ... I know I
shouldn't bring it up again, but I'm going to bring it up again: these French." That's a fair point, but is Nicolas Roche not as French as baguettes, onion necklaces and looking contemptuous while smoking a Gitanes? I know his old man is fabled Galtee cheese endorser Stephen Roche, but he spells his name in the French style(e) without an 'H', was born in France to a French mother and declared for France in 2005.
1.22pm: "I'd love to think that this stage could see Schleck get his revenge on Contador for his ransacking of the maillot jaune yesterday," writes Guy Hornsby. "But I'm not sure it'll happen. While I understand it's a tribute to Merckx, having a 60km descent after the four peaks plays far more into Contador's hands as a great descender, than it does into Schleck's, who may get time out of him on the peaks. Contador's excuses and flimsy apology overnight - I see his original quotes mysteriously changed into a 'sorry' this morning - only made the situation worse, and I'm hoping that the man from Luxembourg will channel his anger into time on the Tourmalet on Thursday. I think he's got the measure of him this year, but whether that's enough to get him the minimum 2 minutes he'll need in the TT is another question altogether. If Contador wins by 30 seconds, it'll be a terrible result, especially after saying that the tour wouldn't be decided by that margin last night."
1.24pm: "Geraint Thomas is rubbish at the tour de France," writes Robert Cocking, pulling no punches. "Constantly mounting breakaways and counterattacks and inexplicably overpraised by the team leadership, but without the bike handling ability or basic-level guts to match. When will Chris Reed finally get a realistic shot at the GC?"
1.26pm: "Being ignorant of most things can you tell me what these elite level pros get paid on average," asks Ashley Williams, accusing me of being ignorant of most things, possibly not by accident. "Is it a salary combined with performance bonuses or team wages split between leaders and domestiques? I've been considering a career change and before I dust of the Gresham Flyer I want to know if it's going to be worth my while. Thanks in advance." I'm afraid I can't answer that question, Ashley, but I'm sure one of our crack peloton of cycling enthusiasts can. I'm looking at you amateur cycling's James Cavell ...
1.29pm: Having been joined by Ignatas Konovalovas (Lithuania/Cervelo Test Team), the 10 leaders continue their reccy of Thursday's stage (where they'll ascend the descent down which they're currently cruising) with a lead of 3min on Anthony Chartreau and 3min 45sec on the group maillot jaune.
1.35pm: "Not to be too parochial, but what's happened to Bradley Wiggins on the Tourmalet?" asks Tim Young. "He was in the 12-person break earlier, but now there's only ten of them. Presumably he's suffering and the peloton has eaten him up?" As I understand it, Bradley was suffering badly and decided to absent himself from the breakaway and return to the peloton, where several of the riders were staging a Paul Weller lookalike competition, which the Sky team leader thought he stood a good chance of winning. If his form this month has been anything to go by, it's the only thing he has a good chance of winning in this year's Tour. That said, I'm not sure what kind of jersey they give out for Cyclist Who Looks Most Like The Former Lead Singer Of The Jam.
1.40pm: The 10-man breakaway hits the feeding station, reminding me how hungry I am. I'm going to amble down to the Guardian feeding station and pick up a sandwich or something - I'll be back in 10 minutes or so.
1.49pm: The chef in the canteen has handed me a musette containing over-priced beef meatballs cooked in tomato sauce, couscous (well, it is the Guardian) and chilli and a can of Coke Zero (other sugar-free cola drinks are available). While I shovel them down my gullet, here's James Cavell on the subject of cyclists' wages: "There are UCI minimum wage structures in place for different levels of team," he explains. "The lowest paid non pro-tour pros are probably on about 30,000 euros a year. The top names probably make a million or more a year salary, with prize money (substantial), advertising bulking that up. That's why the UCI is so keen on the US market, where the corporate machine in place since Lance is promoting road cycling as a sport for high income middle-aged men, who want to have ceramic bearings and deep dish carbon wheels."
There's more: "One rider is apparently riding without a salary this year," adds James. "But he doesn't publicise his demanding of astronomical 'appearance fees' from race organizers." Hmmm ... I wonder who on earth that could be?
Still, all that exercise and fresh air, it sounds like an easy life, eh? "It's a difficult life," says James, who has now probably written more of this report than I have, at this point. "Salaries are low compared to tennis and football, and you never get a contract for more than a couple of years. In many European countries this makes it nigh on impossible to get a mortgage for example. In recent years staying 'healthy' and
'prepared' also wasn't cheap.
"A great earner for riders is the post Tour criteriums. These are fixed exhibition races in which riders negotiate a starting fee from the organizer. Lots of guys drive around France trying to ride as many of those as they can. Paul Kimmage tells the story of how these work in Rough Ride."
But the prize money - it must be significant? "Prize money is significant," says James. "There are prizes for placings in the different competitions in all races, and if you ride up front you'll pick up lots of little bonuses without even looking for them. Mostly these are shared, but sometimes not. It can get sensitive. Amateurs can almost make a living out of prize money. A criterium rider who can get on the podium in almost every race, and pick up lots of sprint prizes on the way, can take a few hundred home each race, so with three races a week from March to September you can do nicely, especially if you're sad enough to live with your parents, or lucky enough to have a girlfriend or wife pay the mortgage."
2pm: "Could we please have an update on the race happening right now?" asks Devika Pande. "It is a minute-by-minute of the stage isn't it? There hasn't been a time update since 1:29pm." You'll get your update when I've finished my meatballs, Devika, and not a minute sooner. I don't come around to wherever you work, interrupting your lunch asking you to ... to do some of whatever it is you do.
2.04pm: The 10 breakaway riders whose whereabouts Devika Pande is so worried about are making their way up the foot of the Col d'Aubisque. The yellow jersey group is 6min 22sec behind them.
2.05pm: The 10 breakaway riders whose whereabouts Devika Pande is so worried about are still making their way up the foot of the Col d'Aubisque. The yellow jersey group is still 6min 22sec behind them.
2.06pm: The 10 breakaway riders whose whereabouts Devika Pande is so worried about are still making their way up the foot of the Col d'Aubisque. The yellow jersey group is still 6min 22sec behind them.
2.07pm: Tedious, eh? It starts grinding you down.
2.10pm: "I know little of the intricacies of the pro cycling world, just enough to admire them from the outside knowing I'll never get any closer if I follow them for years," writes Nick Reed. "Like a Japanese tea ceremony. Or gardening. Therefore don't want to argue, but Nicolas Roche is Irish according to the Tour's website. And his team's. And the splendid unofficial smartphone app which is much better value than the official tour rip-off. And the Irish National Road Race which he won in 2009 and finished second in this year (chapeau to Matt Brammeier). The Paul Weller jersey should be migraine-inducing black-and-white check."
2.11pm: To recap, the 10-man breakaway group currently pedalling their way up the mighty Col d'Aubisque is comprised of Lance Armstrong (US/Radio Shack), Christopher Horner (US/Radio Shack), Sandy Casar (France/FDJ), Ignatas Konovalovas (Lithuania/Cervelo Test Team), Carlos Barredo (Spain/Quick Step), Jurgen van de Walle (Belgium/Quick Step), Christophe Moreau (France/Caisse D'Erpagne), Ruben Molina Plaza (Spain/Caissde D'Erpagne), Damiano Cunego (Italy/Lampre) and Pierrick Fedrigo (France BBox Bouygues Telecom). They're about one-third of the way up the Col d'Aubisque and 7min 14sec clear of the chasing maillot jaune group. The temperature is +30 and they've 77km left to the finish line, 90% of which is downhill, I believe.
2.23pm: This is a great post, from Sean Boiling. "For all of the angry young men in pro cycling today - Nicolas Roche et al, I give you Chris Horner, in todays breakaway by way of relevance," he writes. "That's Chris Horner, who in 2008 'dinked' a fallen rider and his bike 2km to the finish of the Cascade Cycling Classic. That's not just a fellow competitor but his bike as well. That's proper class. By way of explanation I should add, that's 'dink' as in: 'will you dink me down to the shops on your pushie' - that's the Australian vernacular I am now familiar with. Known as a 'backie' or a 'croggie' where I grew up. What was the act of giving someone a lift on your bike called where you grew up?" Um ... I think it was just called "a carry". We obviously weren't very imaginative in Birr.
2.30pm: Of the 10 breakaway riders, Ruben Molina Plaza is highest on GC in 20th place, 14min 47sec off the pace. There's one man in the peloton who will be concerned by this breakaway and he's conspicuously wearing the polka dot jersey of King of the Mountains. Anthony Chartreau of the BBox Bouygues Telecom team could lose a lot of ground to his compatriot Christophe Moreau in the battle to be Lord of the Speedbumps.
2.33pm: "Were you never given a 'crossbar' in Birr?" inquires my good friend Bullets Curley, whose life I once saved, not that I like to boast about it. I was given plenty of 'crossbars' in Birr, but (1) that's totally different to a 'croggie' or a 'dink' and (2) it's hardly indicative of vivid imagination on the part of Birr folk, when the actual lift is nicknamed after the exact part of the bike the recipient of said lift sits on.
2.36pm: Lance Armstrong has launched something of an attack, 13km from the summit of Col d'Aubisque, shelling Casar, Konovalovas, Nice Guy Chris Horner, Christophe Moreau and Jurgen Van De Walle out the back of his group of 10. And then there were five, with Armstrong making the pace through a narrow corridor of fans with Pierrick Fedrigo on his wheel. Carlos Barredo is next, then Ruben Plaza, then Damiano Cunego, who keeps getting dropped before pacing himself back up to the leaders
2.41pm: In the front five, Carlos Barredo keeps putting in little surges, putting out the feelers to see who can stay with him. He's looking very comfortable, as is Pierrick Fedrigo. There's momentary respite as the breakaway has a brief downhill stint before taking on the exceptionally steep climb to the top of the Col D'Aubisque.
2.44pm: "Living in Canada and being six hours behind the Tour it was devastating to wake up for work and eat my breakfast while watching the race roll onto the lower slopes of the Tourmalat knowing that moments later I had to head to the office while the Tour continued in the big mountains," writes Richard Blayney. "Day off on Thursday me thinks?" Well I certainly don't mind if you take the day off, Richard. Actually, take the day off - I insist. If you're boss has a problem with you doing so, print this off and tell him I said it wasn't a problem and he's not to take it out of your annual vacation. My sister lives in Canada, so I'm aware you only get about four days annual leave.
2.47pm: Andrew Greaves has a suggestion for the Paul Weller Jersey, for the rider in the peloton who looks most like the former Jam frontman. "How about a jersey in the paisely pattern much favoured by Weller in scarf form during his latter-day career?" he asks. If anyone has any better suggestions, or indeed suggestions for other jerseys the lesser lights in the peloton could contest - best singer, best joke-teller, loudest snorer, best groupie-shagger - feel free to send them in.
2.52pm: The leading five riders have been re-joined by Chris Horner, Jurgen Van Der Walle and Damiano Cunego. They're 9min 09sec clear of the peloton with the business end of Col D'Aubisque left to negotiate.
3pm: Christophe Moreau puts the hammer down, stands up on his pedals and accelerates up to the top of the Col d'Aubisque to take the King of the Mountains points. He's reduced the gap between himself and Anthony Chartreau in the battle for the polka dot jersey to just 15.
3.02pm: "Richard Blayney needn't worry about missing the cycling today," writes James Cavell. "Looks like the peloton are taking a day off. If they ride any slower Mark Cavendish will re-join them. There are not so many HC climbs in the race and the favourites going over them in neutral is very disappointing. But again, the organisers have the finish way down in the valley, so the course makes it stupid to attack on the climb. ASO really wanted this to pan out differently, with 'a certain Texan' still in overall contention and not enough mountain top finishes for Contador to attack him."
3.05pm: "In other news, I see that Bradley Wiggins has been nominated for the Mercury Prize this year for his album Wake Up the Nation," writes Sean Boiling.
3.07pm: The main bunch makes it way towards the summit of Col d'Aubisque, where a herd of cattle and some horses are living together in one of the adjacent fields, putting on a show of agrarian harmony. "Scrolling my mouse around that god damned Mercedes ad is tricky a bit like negotiating those hair pin bends coming off the Tourmalet," writes Nick Hand, whose pain I feel. "Darn it, just set the blighter off again trying to scroll down to find out how to spell 'Tourmalet'."
3.10pm: Ungritting their teeth, the front men in the main bunch sit up in their saddles, zip up their jersies and begin the 60km descent to Pau. They're 9min 27sec behind the leaders and prominent among them is Thor Hushovd, who'll be hoping to pick up a few green jersey points on the way down.
3.13pm: "As regards possible alternative jerseys, how about a luminous yellow one with a smiley acid face on it for best doper?" asks Paul Kelly.
3.14pm: "How about a 'patch-work' jersey for the unfortunate rider who suffers the most punctures, or a maillot bleu for the rider who swears the most," suggests Richard White. "Of course, it is quite possible that the same person could be required to wear both, which would make it a bit hot toiling up the Tourmalet, but at least he wouldn't need a newspaper for the descent."
3.16pm: "I sympathise with Richard Blayney of Canada re: timezone angst," writes Peter Mattessi. "For as wonderful as James Cavell's MBM coverage on the Guardian is, the whole event still takes place at the worst possible time: during the day. Oh, to be back in Australia, where proceedings kick off about 11pm, just as the missus is tottering off to bed. 'I'll just watch a few minutes and I'll be in' buys enough time for her to fall asleep, leaving one free to spend 4-5 hours watching the stage unfold, the world around you fast asleep, and no distractions. That said, getting up at 4am for the World Cup knockout matches wears thin by the quarters."
3.18pm: In the leading group, Carlos Barredo launches a solo attack with 44km to go. It's an ambitious attack, I'll give him that - particularly with two Radio Shack and a clatter of Caisse D'Erpagne riders in the group he's just left. Meanwhile back in the main bunch, one of the riders has just been clocked doing 95km per hour. 95! He won't be doing anywhere near that speed when he travels the same stretch of road on Thursday.
3.23pm: "How about a fetching blood red jersey, perhaps with a stitching pattern, for the rider with most crashes over the three weeks?" asks Matt Ayre. "It would also serve a practical purpose of alerting the less-accident-prone riders to his presence. Also, a jersey for sweatiest rider, either in a nice pale blue to really show it off, or else made of that magical fabric which changes colour with bodyheat?" Nice - I laughed out loud at that one.
3.25pm: Carlos Barredo has opened a 20-second lead on the eight-strong Armstrong group behind him.
3.25pm: "So let me get this straight," writes Terence Callaghan. "After hauling their asses up the side of a cliff they have to turn around and climb the same mountain again tomorrow? And this is classed as fair and sporting? Seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me." Ah no, they're not being treated like animals - they have a rest tomorrow and don't have to haul their asses back up this particular cliff until Thursday.
3.26pm: "What with all this crowing of foul play by Alberto, how about a Holland football jersey for the least sporting cyclist?" writes Captain Paperclips.
3.28pm: "I think a yellow scarf should be awarded to the member of the Sky team who can best explain to Rupert Murdoch where it all went so horribly wrong," writes Cullen Ward, poking fun at Rupert's Team of All Style No Substance Cycling Superstars. The only publicity they've got so far on this Tour is for employing people to ferry their cyclists' own beds from their houses at home from hotel to hotel on the Tour. Quite what Mrs Wiggins makes of this as she curls up on the floor every night is anyone's guess.
3.30pm: With 34km to go, Carlos Barredo of the Quick Step team is 40 seconds clear of Armstrong, Horner, casar, Van Der Walle, Fedrigo, Moreau, Plaza and Cunego. On Eurosport, David Harmon and Sean Kelly reckon that he'll be caught no problem if the eight riders behind him start working together in a bid to reel him in.
3.33pm: "There used to be a multicolour or patchwork jersey for the rider who was highest overall in each classification," writes Mat Evans. "Thor Hushovd would be a shoo-in these days, the monster."
3.36pm: "Alberto Contador should be made to wear a jersey with prison style arrows after his criminal act of nicking the yellow one yesterday," writes Ashley Williams.
3.38pm: "Sorry, but Thor would be nowhere near Mat Evans' multi-coloured jersey," writes Andy Plowright. "Contador would be in it at the moment (10th in green jersey competition, fifth in KoM as of this morning, as opposed to Hushovd's 71st in KoM and 140th overall)." Perhaps there should be a jersey for rider with the most conspicuously Norse god sounding name, as Thor seems to get mentioned a lot without ever doing a great deal.
3.39pm: "Re: time zones. I dare say I've got it best," writes Richard Barnes-Webb. "I'm following the Tour de France from Malaysia at the moment. It's just gone 10pm, missus and nipper've gone to bed and I've got a glass of wine. Doesn't get much better than this." It does if you have a big bowl of cocaine nearby, a couple of buxom dancers swinging off a pole in your living room and a nice slice of chocolate cake on the go. I must confess that I'm slightly startled that the only time many of the men reading this report seem to come "alive" is when their wives have gone to bed ... without them. It's not a very good advert for marriage, is it?
3.44pm: Carlos Barredo zooms under the 25km To Go banner with just 37 seconds of a lead over the nine-man group on his tail. They'll catch him, no problem.
3.44pm: Poor old Mat Evans is having more scorn poured his way, and not just for spelling his name with only one 'T'. "Andy Schleck is 2nd, 4th and 12th in the three main competitions," points out Niall Brooks. "Hushovd doesnt even have any KoM points and is nowhere in the GC. Schleck is the monster this year."
3.47pm: "Maybe they could award a special purple helmet for the least pleasant rider?" muses Matthew Brown. "Of course, I wouldn't like to speculate as to who should win this 'dickhead' award."
3.49pm: "I remember Danny Baker has a skit on his radio show where he got listeners to phone in with a kind of word association whenever they hear a footballer's name mentioned by a commentator," recalls Sam Herbert. "A classic being 'Zidane!' and 'you're rocking the boat'. On a similar tangent, I can't hear Contador's name mentioned without thinking of Sash's 1997 hit Ecuador. It all centre's on the screamed refrain of 'Ecuador!' but I'm replacing it with 'Contador!'. I can't get it out of my head, it's driving me mad... help!"
3.52pm: As annoying as that Ecuador/Contador dancefloor stormer might be, it's nothing compared to this sinister advert starring Garmin-Transitions rider Tyler Farrar that's on an endless loop on Eurosport.
3.54pm: Carlos Barredo glances over at the man waving the blackboard out of the yellow Tour car and sees that his lead over Lance Armstrong's posse is just 16 seconds, with 14.6km to go.
3.56pm: Some expert analysis from the excellent James Cavell to mull over, while I go for a very quick, poorly timed but incredibly necessary break. Blame the meatballs. "Sean Kelly is either not a fan of Barredo, or is perhaps following policy of the channel that screens Planet Armstrong every day and won't want the 'celebrity demographic' to switch off," he writes. "Belgian TV are more confident about Barredo's chances. In any case, the moment Barredo is reeled in, his teammate Van De Walle will be off up the road. Several guys in the chase are clearly empty, and guys who want to win, like a certain Texan and Cunego, don't want to burn too many matches. It only needs a few guys to pull weak turns on the front and a couple of guys to pull too hard in frustration, and the rhythm of the chase is broken. It is coming down a few seconds as I type though.
"Those hoping on a Lance win need to be aware of several things. Firstly he hasn't been in a situation like this for 15 years. Usual Tour norm was him being at the front, with more team-mates than any rival, setting a pace that made anything undesirable happening virtually impossible. Secondly Cunego, Fedrigo and Casar are faster finishers than him. Cunego also hates him. Third, there are three Frenchmen in the group. As Lance explained a few years ago, the French riders have all 'tested positive for being assholes', so they might live up to form and ruin his day. In any case the French are supermotivated in the Tour and don't have criminal proceedings beginning against them to keep them awake at night."
4.04pm: Unsurprisingly, James Cavell looks like he might be right. Carlos Barredo bombs into Pau with a 23 second lead and just six kilometres to go. He could well hang on, unless he starts fannying about playing cat and mouse with himself, which I suppose is unlikely.
4.07pm: With just over 4.5km to go, Carlos Barredo is 23 seconds clear of the Lance Armstrong posse. That's a great shout by James Cavell.
4.09pm: "A couple of years ago I saw a CD bearing the unlikely title Sash! The Greatest Hits," writes Stuart Codling. "Had to check the jacket to make sure it wasn't just a load of remixes of Ecuador and Encore Un Fois (what does that mean, anyway: more paté?)."
4.10pm: This is a heroic effort from Quick Step's Carlos Barredo, who looks exhausted. As he approaches the 3km to go mark, Christophe Moreau drags the chasing bunch along behind, reducing the gap to just 14 seconds.
4.11pm: "My word association is with Lee Cattermole," writes Michael Meagher. "Whenever the commentator mentions his name, despite my best efforts to stop, my mind always thinks of the Sunderland midfielder among the pigeons."
4.13pm: Barredo is spluttering on empty and in all sorts of bother as he approaches the 1km to go kite. He's going to be caught - it's official, James Cavell is a fraud who has no idea what he's talking about. Christophe Moreau leads the chasing bunch under the kite. It's wide open. The race, that is. Not the kite. Although the kite is also wide open, enabling the riders to cycle underneath it.
4.14pm: It finishes in a sprint and Pierreck Fedrigo takes the stage for BBox Bouygues Telecom from Sandy Casar. Plaza was third, followed by Cunego, Horner and Armstrong. That's France's sixth stage win in this year's Tour.
4.18pm: "Yet again the tour organisers have got it wrong," writes Guy Hornsby. "Putting the Tourmalet mountain finish after a rest day (rather than before) and a big descent after this one means that Schleck would have to make up all his time on Thursday, removing much of the tension they could've generated. The only HC finish is the last day in the Pyrenees. Madness. After yesterday's fiasco there's only one winner really now isn't there? Contador may lose time on Thursday, but unless he loses over two minutes I can't see him blowing it. So, all excitement is sapped, in favour of a stage that's a tribute to Merckx. Wonderful rider, but in terms of the GC, he'd have been bored watching today."
4.20pm: Sorry, I'd completely forgotten about the rest of the riders. Y';know, the no-marks like race-leader Alberto Contador, his main rival Andy Schleck and the rest of the big names. The maillot jaune bunch hits the 1km to go banner, 5min 52sec after Fedrigo breasted the tape. Thor Hushovd eventually wins the sprint, which is bad news for his green jersey rival Mark Cavendish, who should be crossing the line any hour now.
Last word today goes to James Cavell, even though he's still in disgrace: "While we are on the subject of what is official, I'd like to state that Christophe Moreau is officially a muppet," he writes. "Why was he reeling in Barredo on behalf of renowned slow finisher Ruben Plaza? He made it really easy for Ferrigo and Cunego there. And Lance's 'sprint' wasn't even enough to get past Horner, who tried to lead him out. The embarrassment continues."
Actually forget that, last word today goes to Neil Whyte. "In light of Contador's apology, how about a hair jersey for the best act of public contrition?" he says. "Might give the ever humble M-Cav something else to aim for."
Or possibly Michael Horn."I was quite appalled by the story about Chris Horner 'dinking' a fellow rider, as 'dink' in Denmark is slang for gently slapping something or someone with your male reproductive organ!" he writes, doing little to enhance the snake-belly low reputation of some of our Scandinavian friends. "That is until I read Sean Boiling's explanation (2.23pm). No skip that, thinking about it now, I cannot escape the gruesome mental image!" A bit rich coming from a man named Horn, surely? Anyway, thanks for all your time and your emails. To see today's stage result and the overall standings, click here. We'll be back with coverage of what promises to be the stage of the Tour on Thursday, when the riders race from Pau to the summit of the Tourmalet.