Someday these eyes might dance again.Photo: Getty Images

A lot of people will find the fact that Goldman Sachs's earnings swelled 91 percent in the first quarter (net earnings were $3.46 billion, or $5.59 per share, on top of revenues of $12.78 billion) "suspicious" or "controversial": How did they make them, anyway? By skinning the middle class and selling their pelts to the rich? But according to their earnings statement, the growth actually has to do with the performance of the the bank's trading and investment-banking divisions and the fact that they cut compensation down to 43 percent, from 50 percent, which, they uncharacteristically failed to remind us in this morning's statement, was after all, because of you. In his comments, in which he addressed the recent SEC brouhaha, CEO Lloyd Blankfein sounded weary and sad.

"Our performance in the first quarter reflects more signs of growth across the economy and the strength of our client franchise,” said Lloyd C. Blankfein, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer. “While we are encouraged by growth prospects for the economy, we continue to put a premium on strong capital and liquidity levels, and disciplined risk management. In light of recent events involving the firm, we appreciate the support of our clients and shareholders, and the dedication and commitment of our people."

(Incidentally, according to Politico, those ranks now include a new person: Barack Obama’s former White House counsel, Gregory Craig, has joined the Squid in order to help them "navigate the halls of power in Washington.")

Of course, no one will care about any of this on this morning's conference call, which will be all about the SEC allegations. It's funny: Since those charged were filed last week, a number of people have referred to Goldman's trades as "heads-I-win, tails-you-lose." But sometimes, it feels like another cliche is more apt: Goldman can't win for losing.

Goldman Sachs Reports First Quarter Earnings Per Common Share of $5.59 [BusinessWire]