Tokyo Metropolis League 4.0
The BFC shoot down all rivals in the most exciting season to date

Courtesy of Footy Japan

The British Football Club won the toastiest title race in the history of the Tokyo Metropolis League this year—but calculators had to be confiscated and chicken forcibly removed from the menu first.

If the first three TML seasons had been a blast, the fourth was totally “book” (as they say in Tooting), with no fewer than five teams in the hunt for the first-division crown. TML 4.0, to get all Die Hard about it, was the toughest yet.

The British Embassy bounced back up at the first time of asking, winning the TML 2 title, while BFC Vagabonds are set to join the BFC First XI in the top flight next year after finishing second.

The Wall Street Geckoes upset Sala FC in the final of the Footy Japan Cup/Wall Street Associates, and Shane FC capped another successful season with a surprise triumph in the FJ Plate.
The violins were out, however, as France FC were knocked down to TML 2 alongside Jetro FC, after the Saitama Jets, Geckoes and Kanto Celts found form at just the right time.

MOUSE’S EAR
The first division championship was, as Confucius once put it, tighter than a mouse’s ear. With Hibernian FC smashing teams 10-0 and their main rivals taking points off each other during the early salvos, the odds were against anyone usurping the Greens as champions.

But then BFC, Sala and YCAC put together the sort of win streaks that formulaic Hollywood sports movies are made of—while Hibernian were hit by injuries, not least to skipper Bevan Colless. Suddenly, the race was wide open. Sala’s metamorphosis from sometimes underdogs into serious title challengers—as demonstrated in a 3-1 win over YCAC—added extra spice to proceedings.

BFC, meanwhile, beat Hibernian 3-0 and then thumped the Swiss Kickers 4-1, with Shosuke “Snake Hips” Yamagishi the chief architect.

In a mad month in early spring, the Jets beat the Swiss, Sala drew with YCAC, and Hibernian, still struggling for consistency, edged Sala 1-0—all gravy for BFC.

POULTRY BAN
Older, grouchier BFC players grew superstitious, however, banning all talk of winning the league and grumbling incessantly about the dangers of counting chickens, or indeed other poultry.

The strain was showing on all the top teams save for the cold, calculating, machine-like Swiss, who would later sneak up and give BFC a bit of a fright.

Before the Fat Lady even gargled, however, an Anthony Savage-inspired YCAC, leading the table but having played two more games than BFC, were looking dangerous. Matt Wallace launched the cat, the pigeons and the kitchen sink into the mixer when he put YCAC ahead against BFC in the potential title decider.

Previous BFC sides might have got out the handbags, but 70 minutes later they were celebrating an astonishing 5-1 victory. Think Bruce Willis with a full head of hair running barefoot over broken glass—it was that emotional. YCAC sped off in their Aston Martins never to recover (although they did at least leave in Astons, which is hot).

So it was left to the Swiss to instill the fear of God in BFC. The former champions won their last two games 7-1 and 7-0, with Kirk Neureiter scoring a ridiculous eight of his league-high 19 goals in those matches.

YIPPEEKAI-DAY
However, BFC clinched the title with a 4-1 win over Sala in a performance that underlined their certain “I don’t know what” under skipper Jon Day. Day, more a chilled-out entertainer than a captain, controversially credited the “Prada factor” for the team’s success.

“Players were investing in Prada shades and custom-made Puma kicks. They were quaffing champagne after games instead of pints of ale,” he regaled—apparently in all seriousness. “The team was united, a solid unit, and developed secret handshakes. Reuters as our sponsor has given us a real sense of pride. It’s quite profound.”

Embassy’s Tim Letheren was unimpressed and has already lit the fuse ahead of the sequel, with ominous words for BFC and the Swiss.

Tweaking the nose of danger, the captain proclaimed, “Obviously BFC need to be brought down a peg or two.” See how it all unfolds when season five kicks off August 26.

For more information about the Tokyo Metropolis League, see www.footyjapan.com/tml.